Saturday, February 26, 2005
i paid for a skirt that was $23. n de salesgirl din put it into de bag with my mom's pants. im sad. sighs. gonna try to get it back tmr. hope she'll be reasonable n give it to me. if not im so gonna cry. just took my bread for dinner. got gastric last night n cant realie eat proper meals now. so just surviving on snacks n bread for de moment. weak gastric. tmr 3 posers will go for tuition klass! hahahah. funkie funkie. looking forward to tmr!
talking to him like we're frens is kinda hard. im still stuck. like marble choked in de throat. *haha. marcus would understand how this feels like* dun worrie. after some time things will return to the time when i was single. in sec 4. that feels so farawae. but yea. those times where i did what i liked n i didnt have to care bout noone else but my friends. im gonna spread my love to my family n friends. all the love i have left. =) at least im spreading happiness to others. if i cant have mine. =)
*[a lil princess thought at]*|23:43|
ah pa is right.. there's alwaes smth to learn out of another.. i've learnt n grown out of this whole r/s. probably im too stubborn to accept any explanations. but i rather not quarrel any further. anything else i hear will just lead to me screaming. i was so freakin pissed ydae i felt like exploding. realie felt like i was gonna get a heart attack. n the aftermath of tears is definitely not any better. got so tired of it. yesh ah pa. i've learnt emotional management. im glad u din see a thing in school. sorry ydae i was kinda emotional while chatting with ya. but thanks for hearing me out. i guess i just needed an escape out of this.
i have found my exit. i've walked out with as much pride i could hold on to. i've done all i could. i've done what i should. no regrets. probably up till now he still doesnt get me. he never will then. sometimes things are too late to salvage. maybe im slow. i took too long to realise de root of de problem. if things were settled earlier would it be better? if there wasnt another in the picture would it be fine? we never know. n we never would know.
anw mondae's gonna be a extremely special day for all de O's ppl. the results are coming out. well i remember last year, this day. i was crying with joy in nanyang. cos i realie din expect a 8. i mean, i was a 18 pt student in prelims u know. its shocking. somehow attributed it to luck n a little to effort. cos i din realie pia. got 'scolded' by my cj classmates for being a single pointer. n i was sad in a way. cos i knew i couldnt stay on in cj. my parents wouldnt allow it. n true enough, i got into hc, by luck again. cos not all 8 pts got in. im sucha lucky girl huh? my results were celebrated with him. at cafe cartel. den at merlion. my treasured memories.
well that isnt the point. im not telling my life story. i just wanna wish all of them good luck! especially my mortal Peiyi! =) hope all the hc ppl score well n stay on in hc! n also good luck to bongie's sis n auntie dang's sis! =) n all my ny juniors! create a new miracle for ny! =D i dont realie know many ppl from my jnr batch, so i shall just wish everyone i know good luck yarh? =) my love spreads out to those i dont know as well! *im generous* hahah. results day u'd see ppl in tears of sadness or joy. everyone hugging their good friends n crying. cos its the last day u'd be in your sec school uniform with your sec sch mates. i miss nanyang. still remember hugging ying n crying n crying. partly cos of results n partly cos of each other. hua as well. miss them so much. well, everyone would have diff feelings after getting their results. n for awhile u'll be at a lost of where to go after that. wch school, what combi, what subjects etc etc. dun worrie. cos u'll find interest in whatever you do or wherever u go. your friends there will be a great motivation, no matter where u are. =) i nv expected to be in hc, neither in a crazie class 04s6b.. with crazie brotherhood n family trees everywhere. with scandalous class couples. hahah. but i found myself in here, enjoying my life though i thought i wouldnt. =) everyone moves on to find a new goal, new motivation. so even if u end somewhere u dun like, open your mind n be less sceptical about it. im very sure u'd find nice things to appreciate wherever u are. =) life's about being appreciative of the little things that happened. *that's why im glad i had him for awhile*
going out for lunch n to buy cds. dad just gave me $350! for tuition fees lah.. u think what.. hahah.. im gonna wash my face till u dun see my puffy red eyes.. yikes. walking out onto streets like that is sucha disgrace. *dig hole n bury myself*
*[a lil princess thought at]*|13:47|
Friday, February 25, 2005
todae's x country was FUN! cos we walked all the way n were just making fun of all those cheena high kiddos. haha. poor kids. anw its de first time im not running for x country. totally slacked n walked de whole way. supposedly 3.5km but we walked less than that. cos from de 1500m mark we cheated n got to the 3000 mark. so we skipped 1.5km. yeahs. =) went to town after that. to meet mom for dinner. shopped at kino n bought pens. again. colors make me a lil happier. not that it realie does bring up my moods. anw ate my nice omu rice at taka. but it din taste nice todae. im still in that bluey bluey mood. n somehow he managed to make me mad again. sighs. this just goes on n on. i shd be cold hearted n just turn my back on everything. not replying. not bothering. so we wont even have de chance to quarrel anymore. this is just so damn sickening. hate it.
i dun get my point across. he'll never understand how i feel. hasnt that has always been the case? i feel as though im speaking German. somehow de communication just breaks down. perhaps it'd be better if we didnt talk at all. sighs. im realie washing my hands off this. im so freakin pissed. im not bothering anymore. i'll just keep hurting him n myself if i keep replying n bothering him. shit me.
n if he's reading this. u've done no wrong. okae? carry on leading your life the way u like it, the way u want it. im not interfering n im not bothering. whoever u mix, whatever u do, whichever u choose is none of my freakin business. im tired of talking. i dun wish to talk anymore. words make no sense anymore. i'll just shut myself up. damn.
*[a lil princess thought at]*|23:02|
Thursday, February 24, 2005
thanks dear.. i realie appreciate your accompanyment todae. it would have been much worse without you. having u listen to me during chem lect was such an encouragement. at least i knew u know how i felt. to others its just so hard to explain. even him. thanks for being there. for going to marina with me. love ya.
thanks dil.. i'll be alright.. i'll pull myself back together. n i dun need ur shoulder. na sneezed on it b4. =/ i'll use tissue. im calmer when im around ppl. so dun worrie bout me. =) i love u too sweetie. i know u wanna help but u're at a loss of what to do. its okie. i know u care. thanks darling.
*[a lil princess thought at]*|23:03|
everything has happened so quickly i dun even have time to settle down n absorb what's going on. all i know is that my head n heart hurts. school was a torture today. acting is tough. acting happy when u're not. got exasperated smsing. i dunno why. felt like screaming. feel so stressed. i cant collect my thots n put them properly into words. i cant stop crying again. sorry for freaking ppl in class out. i'll be okae after awhile. i will... take my time to recover.
i have no idea how things turned out this way. guess its me. never expected our story to be interrupted. well fairytales dont last. went to marina sq again. to find adidas caps. that place holds our memories. including many other couples'. many people are gonna be sad its gonna change. marina bay is gone. so is marina sq. im not even given the chance to revisit the places i want to. at least i went marina sq. i wanna go to bay too. i wanna go united sq. J8. PS. far east. thomson plaza. i wanna revisit all these places. seeing it alone is different. i have no idea what im doing all this for. maybe self comforting. retail therapy doesnt work on me. got de adidas cap i've yearned for so long. but it hasnt made me any happier. i dont know. but i guess i'd be happier in time to come. so will he.
anw. if he's reading this. i'd like to recommend ba chor mee at marina sq. looks n smells great. maybe can go n try with ur frens.
never thot our story would end this way. feels uncompleted. but there's no way i can hold on any longer. both of us would be miserable. what made things come to this stage? me. im dying. probably will die in my sleep tonight. i wish i would. so i feel less pain.
irreparable damage. irreplaceable you.
*[a lil princess thought at]*|22:31|
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
zui hou de teng ai shi shou fang kai.
go listen to that song. its realie nice. im so freakin screwed. i dun wish to blog bout it now. im so freakin screwed by chem tutorial as well. shits. sometimes i hate myself. but im clear headed enough to know what im doing n what im in for.
*[a lil princess thought at]*|23:39|
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
school was qte slack todae. basically din understand any bit tan beng beng went thru. she was just talking to herself la. nobody understood her just like she understood nobody. she just went on n on n on n on n on... yea u geddit. maths test was okie. hope no careless mistakes. phy prac was plain boring. chiam was wearing that gay purple shirt again n i could feel that evil aura coming from him yet again. yikes. just gives me goosebumps. vectors is fun. i like this chapter. =)
went to coro w nana to get bubble tea n to meet ying n hua! miss them like nuts lah.. just miss chatting to em n hearing all that rubbish going on in all our lifes. miss those days we hung arnd like sisters. haha. amazing friendship i found with these two lovely darlings. anw was crapping arnd when pey yann, sylvia n edwin appeared at cosy corner too. but we left soon after. onlie met ying n hua for less than an hour i guess. went to art friends with nana. saw lots of stuffs we wanted! its like u wanna just buy de whole shop home lah. saw lee si song there. that composer guy who discovered stef sun. he looks better in real person. admire his compositions. admire him as a teacher who discovers n exhibits talents of students. =) oh n there's this nice acrylic paint that nana n me LOVE! its metallic purple!!! extremely nice! its close to the royal purple that hui n me love too! ahhhhs!
showed nana de nice Aldo bag! she said its nice too! i described de bag to mommie n she asked me if i wanna get it! but its freakin $79! i dun like to splurge on myself. so decided not. save $$. or at least when its on sales or smth. argh! de bag's realie super chio! n de clutch bag too! blahs. i hate branded goods. u pay for de brand. shiiiiits. anw marina square is having ALOT of closing down sales. bought 4 Fox tops for $28. when one's original price was $29. haha. feels great when u've scouted for cheap n nice clothes. feel very shuang somehow. den mom got a nice G2000 blouse n a pair of pants. nice~ =) cheap too! she got them below $50! go check out marina sq b4 it closes for renovation. honestly im quite sad its changing. cos again i have de feeling that everythings' changing. i cant even revisit my memories can i?
sometimes things you see and hear refuse to allow u to believe in something. as much as you want to trust yourself, you realise that everything around you is rebutting your trust. and you falter. sighs.
*[a lil princess thought at]*|23:07|
Monday, February 21, 2005
we had it once but now its gone
do you realise how im feeling now?
trying to live on, trying to move on
trying to let go not knowing how
i tell myself you're forgotten
but you and i know that's not the case
say im silly, say im foolish
but in my mind will alwaes be our moments
outside im happy, when my friends are there with me
but inside, within me, im as lonely as can be
you're still around
embedded in my soul
yet it feels like you're nowhere near
i wanna hold you tight in my arms
the finest things to whisper in your ears
i wanna feel you here
looking around
everything i see
reminds me of our times together
i want you. i still need you
but it just wasnt meant to be forever
maybe where you are, you're feeling like i do
or maybe you've gone far, you've found someone new
you're still around
embedded in my soul
yet it feels like you're nowhere near
i wanna hold you tight in my arms
the finest things to whisper in your ears
i wanna feel you here
in the night i pray that you're here to stay
if it was meant to feel like this
you should never have come into my life
*[a lil princess thought at]*|23:38|
accomplishment. i actualie understood more of vectors n waves n DE todae. =) hope tmr's DE test wont be that jialat ehs? anw i was quite sianed todae.. but still alright lah.. oh yes! todae singtel was crapped up from 830 to 3++!!!! couldnt send sms or receive calls or sms! shittie singtel! yucks! charge so much n give such lousy service! bleahs! someone sue them pls! hahahah..
had breaks n breaks todae cos there was econs lect.. but i made good use of time to study.. yays~ den after lessons we went to ask ms ng stuffs n chit chat w her.. clement, youzi, nana n me.. sat there just talking rubbish for so long.. clement must be traumatised by us manx! wahahaha.. n nana n me set off for WAFFLETOWN! its this nice place selling waffles near coro! we just love de waffles there! =) talked alot b4 dear reached.. i love talking to her.. cos i feel that im not the onlie one feeling the way im feeling.. alwaes learn alot from her.. i love na!!! *huggs*
dil was qte stressed up todae.. de later part of de day.. cos during econs lect we had break n her mom called.. den some probs lah.. hope everything's fine now.. hope things arent serious manx.. *keep fingers crossed* think it isnt as bad as we think lah.. things will work out.. =) dil cheer up k? bu hui you shi de!
well.. my random thoughts again.. i was thinking.. sometimes ppl choose smth they'd be happie with.. sometimes they choose smth they think other's would be happie with.. which sort of person are you? i'd prefer making others happie. n i guess in life we sometimes let go of our most precious belongings. whether we like it or not. whether its forced upon us. so appreciate everyone standing right before you. cos one day u might realise he/she was that impt in your life. every person that walks into your life has a purpose. there's smth to learn from each n every one. one day when he/she's gone u'd start to miss him/her. treasure the times with each n every single passing soul. honestly, u never know when smth's gonna happen to change everything. so cherish it. so you wont regret when its gone. easy to say, hard to display.
*[a lil princess thought at]*|22:40|
Sunday, February 20, 2005
mr lizard has decided to pay me a visit yet again. ARGH! just as i was about to pack up n sleep. ARGH! i just hate lizards. ARGH! somebody save me. im just waiting for mr lizard to leave my room from my window or door or something. but he's hiding behind de cupboard now. ARGH! mr lizard PLEEEEEASE leave. i wanna sleep. im tired n sianed.
wanted to talk to u but since u sounded busy n sianed i lost de interest to talk. im going to bed. hope mr lizard doesnt jump into my ear. ARGH!!!
*[a lil princess thought at]*|22:47|
chua's tuition again todae! 3.5 star lesson.. listen until abit blur.. but on de whole still quite okie.. =) anw we were given a challenge again! n de guys solved it! so we earned ourselves a choco buffet! YAYS!!! =D imagine de whole tuition class at fullerton having choco buffet! *drooooools* hahahah.. tuition klass is funkie manx! anw todae we were poking fun at reeve.. cos he actualie puked at newton station n got dragged out! hahaha.. he was so dead drunk that he puked till midnight lah! goodness me.. n its cos dat dumbo actualie mixed XO with beer.. its a NO NO!! for those who dunno how to drink.. never try to mix alcohols k! u'll K.O before u know it! even stout with beer is dangerous! not to mention hard liquor with beer.... dun try it.. trust me.. u dun wanna malu yourself.. hahahah..
went shopping with hui after tuition! was supposed to head for fila but somehow ended up in C&K n Fox!! Fox has nice clothings! funkie n not very ex! im gonna shop there more in future! n i can fit into Fox Kids clothings!!!! i wore this dress that looked so nice! ahhhhhs! i want it! n there's this short hot pink skirt! n a white top that's nice too! okie im broke.. so im screaming for nothing.. hahahah.. well shopping does get me high u know~ huihui bought this nice pink top! its realie nice lah! n pink suits her very very well! =) n there's this nice black skirt that matches de top! its realie a perfect match lor! she looked GREAT in them! =) so she's gonna get de black skirt as well! wheeeeeees! de fila slippers look great but somehow my feet dun suit them! =( im still looking for nice slippers.. hahaha.. n im too stingy to buy ex ones.. but i want nice ones.. save me!!! oh yahs i want my pink adidas cap too! but im lazy to go all de way to funan.. lardidums~ n by de time i go there it'd be sold out~ congrats! hahahah.
went to eat nice nice ba chor mee with dear! super filling! but its extremely satisfying! its REALIE nice! no matter how many times i eat it its still nice! =D afta dat i went to his place n totally went into slumber.. hahaha.. im sucha lazy pig.. but i cant help it! bleahs~ but i did work k! managed to study quite a bit todae! so proud of myself.. but i must say halogens is killing me. grr! dun worrie i'll figure smth out!!! \(^_~)/ dis is de cutesy face i learnt from ms ng! she sends me this v often.. hahaha..
marcus just sent me a farnie video taken in t20 first 3 mths!! i was caught doing smth in de video! *maluated!!!* hahahah.. but i miss those days manx~ =) love t20 peeps! it was a real blessing to have them as my klassmates! found true friends in sucha short time.. =) im so luckie~ 04s6b is lovely too! i get nice classmates everywhere! *beams* de 04s6b family is getting messier n messier.. hahaha.. all de more scandalous manx~
*[a lil princess thought at]*|20:25|
Saturday, February 19, 2005
okie~! im finally home! hahah.. was kind of running arnd since morning.. firstly went to bai nian at uncle wee teck's place.. which was at JURONG.. goodness.. den played with his two little boys till 12+.. headed home.. bathed n changed n went off to temple! went to pray w mommie n grannie~ den i was supposed to meet hui but mom insisted i have dinner with her n dad.. i was kinda irritated cos i wanted already told hui i'd meet her.. so kind of pissed off lah.. but in de end had to cancel out on hui n go for dinner.. which i onlie ate yu sheng~ hahaha.. went sakae for yu sheng again! =) n met cousin n his gf there! so we ended up having yu sheng together! =) den headed to causeway pt to get stuffs.. n nana's met jk!!! i hope everything would turn for the better! at least they're meeting up.. that's an improvement! jiayou na! after getting my stuffs i took train back to sembawang n tried finding my way to wx's place for his housewarming..
de finding was TOUGH i tell ya.. i got lost n walked up n down de station at least 4 times! n when i finally went the correct way.. i got chased by a dog! a wild dog! i was like OMG OMG OMG.. n there was nobody in sight to save me! den this NS guy popped out of nowhere n helped me shoo de dog away! he rawks! hahaha.. n he walked me to de busstop i was finding! =D lardidums! i met a kind soul! n he walked me there though he was supposed to go home in de opposite direction lah! sucha sweet guy! so i took de bus 980 n i was supposed to alight at stop B02, opp nee soon camp hq.. so i told de bus driver to tell me when it was opp de camp.. since i dunno my way.. but i realised that de stop was B06!!!! so i was stumped. din know what to do. den got scolded by driver for making him stop for nothing. arhhhh! so i told him i'd go to stop B02.. which was de correct stop!!!!! -_-" got scolded for nothing.. sobs. but its okie! cos went to wx place n had a great time! played daidee n game of life! had to leave cos it was getting late n mom n dad were nagging.. tmr got tuition! hahaha.. my sat nights have to be restricted abit le.. bleahs.
anw nana just msged! =) im glad things have turned this way.. nana im so proud of u! *hugggS* onlie we would know what each other went thru i guess.. its hard to explain.. but somehow de two of us are leading parallel love lives.. hahahah.. ^_~ im so so so happie for u dear.. =)
im off to do abit of mugging n den sleep.. tmr got chua! hahaha.. gonna see those drunkards again! im gonna laff when i see them.. hahaha..
tahhhs~~~
*[a lil princess thought at]*|23:58|
Friday, February 18, 2005
lemme tell u smth.. its a realie great thing everyone has gotta know.. SUBWAY MELT RAWKS! it simply rox rox roxor! must try! i actualie ate one the day b4 ydae n one todae! *drools* i still crave for more of it! ahhhhs!
okie im a pig. i keep eating eating eating.. but its nice! i eat good food! =D oh yesh! after de GREAT food lemme say smth else that was so GREAT todae! nana n me got screamed at by a freakin gay disgusting revolting skinny frail LAB TECHNICIAN! i was taking scotch tape when he opened his foul mouth n shrieked across de room "who gave u permission to touch my tray!" poor nana got freaked n dropped her test tube n broke it. SHIT HIM. should have made him pay. nana still turned arnd n unwillingly said sorry. i din bother. HAHA. cos he doesnt deserve my apology. HELLO u freakin edeot lab tech! this is the LAB. things on de teacher's table are normally AVAILABLE to students if u din know. WAKE UP u edeot! shit you! pui you! stop shrieking like some retarded arse! n pls learn to be POLITE. din your parents teach you manners? u can politely tell us that that's your property n u dun want us to touch it. u dun have to FREAKIN SCREAM. yes. learn k? i know u're slow n abit retarded n i guess somewhat senile. but pls reflect n improve. for one last time. *shit you!!!!!!!!*
hahaha.. im so proud of myself! lardidums! okie back to happie happie stuffs! i went to dear's place.. n i fell asleep! im sucha pig! *piggo piggo piggo* but i was tired leh.. must be de medicine! hahaha.. blame anything i can think of lah.. but went to subway for dinner with him den met mom at J8 at nite.. mommie ate her dinner while i took cheng teng! =D YAYS! den we shopped around for awhile n came home! so here i am blogging! todae ish a slack n rainy n nice-to-sleep dae.. im gonna sleeeeeeep~ wheeeeees! nitenites!
*[a lil princess thought at]*|23:20|
Thursday, February 17, 2005
went to zai clementi doctor todae.. his medicine is reallie zai! *amazed* im so much better now! at least i dun crawl arnd.. hahaha.. reallie feel so much better after his pills.. =)
went to causeway pt to meet na n dil! those two crazie women.. haha.. nana looked so tired n pale! though she was acting quite alright all de while i some sort of knew she doesnt reallie feel that way inside.. kept asking her to fight for what she wants.. cos i know how it feels to regret smth.. but somehow.. though i kept asking her to fight for her happiness.. i almost felt like i was giving mine up.. but im not gonna give up.. just like what na is doing.. we should be fighting for what we want.. =)
anw had a great time with those two! crazie crazie! hahah.. dil wanted to kill me cos i suaned her.. =p well i miss them so much! *huggS* love u girls! F4 rawks rawks rawwwwwks!! we were talking bout gays n all those crap n we somehow went shopping.. n we ended up in bits n pieces! na n me decided to get rings! WHEEEEES! n we engraved our names! n we were trying to come up with nice names.. cos our names put together sound super weird.. like 'madna'? 'namad'? bleahs! all sound horrible! but de INGENIOUS ME came up with smth!!!!! okie it aint that ingenious.. but its MANA~ nice rite! it means "a supernatural force believed to dwell in a person or sacred object!" aint that cool! i know so many of u must be applauding me now! *thank u thank u~* *bows* hahahahahah.. so clever! ;) im gonna wear that ring everydae! wheeeeees! cos im officially les with na! *hugggs* lalalala~ so many guys must be sad now~ bleahs!
hahaha.. think im quite high todae.. cos i bought nice stuffs! n had nice dinner! kkie firstly i found my U2 shirts! de polo shirt i reallie loved! i bought de white one already.. but i realised i love it soooooo much! den i couldnt find other colors n thot it was sold out! but todae i found!!! n all of de colors onlie had XS size which was coincidentally MY SIZE! *wahahaha* so i immediately grabbed orange n brown! yayness! n den walked by Osmose (name of boutique) which had 50% sale! i must be lucky manx! managed to get two skirts for onlie $27.50! n they were prettie prettie! =) *beams* im a lucky girl todae.. hehe.. mommie also got shirts n skirts from osmose! lardidums! n mommie n me are gonna get de same charles n keith shoes! gonna wear em together! =) i love wearing same things with mommie! seems farnie but i like! =D feels like we're sisters walking on de streets!
but somehow.. somewhere deep down inside i knew i wasnt happie. but i managed to put it aside n enjoy myself. that's good in a way i guess. =)
*[a lil princess thought at]*|22:38|
everyone lives for relationships. when one dies, he wouldnt want to be surrounded by objects. he would want to be surrounded by people he love and have relationships with. however, a relationship is built. not in a day or two. it takes more than that for a relationship to work. parent-child relationship takes a lifetime to nourish and sustain. in the course, there may be ups n downs but ultimately he is still your father or child. husband-wife relationship spans about half your life. he is your partner/soulmate/lover/spouse. born and bred in totally different surroundings, it takes alot of compromise n accomodation to live together under the same roof. siblings' relationship or friendship is definitely smth everyone cant live without."Your family is your unchosen friends.Your friends are your chosen family." true friends are when two friends walk in opposite directions yet remain side by side. =)
People change,
even the person you thought you knew the most, changes.
And even though it hurts to see them go;
you have to move on,
for the memories are all you have,
and things might never be the same.
Love is a contract signed with laughter and broken with tears. when is it the time to really let go? when both parties are tired? when they've lost the feeling for each other? when they keep trying n nothing comes out of it? well. for me, there's only one reason i could give up. when he's no longer the person i loved. people change. its an undeniable fact. one day u'd find that u've lost him totally. u've lost the one u loved. someone else has taken over your loved one's body. i find that happening to everyone in fact. they'll change. smth will creep in and change them so drastically. some for the good some for the worse. in any case, i realised the fact that i've already lost my love.
*[a lil princess thought at]*|10:40|
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
that's de title of de song im listening to.. its v nice.. by local singer zhang dong liang.. its been put on repeat since ydae night.. anw i've learnt to find my own happiness.. i've been so pampered i think its expected that others shower love on me n i'll be happy.. but that's so untrue.. cos one day u'll realise that happiness is found in the small things in life.. u search for it.. u find it.. n it truely belongs to u.. stop waiting for others to make u smile.. stop waiting for things to go your way.. look into the little things in life n smile cos they happened.. love yourself like u love nobody else.. spread love to others n bring a smile to somebody else's life.. sounds dumb.. but i gotta learn to be happy.. read hui's blog n had this sudden thought.. that's why i love reading her blog..
*[a lil princess thought at]*|23:12|
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
read dil's blog.. hurts to see nana like that.. n i know there's nothing we can do to help.. except being there for her.. i wonder what he's thinking.. even nana doesnt know.. all she can do is to wait.. wait for his answer.. not knowing if its the answer she hopes to get..
im not sure if she'll read this.. but i wanna let her know.. nana, we're all here for u.. after hearing you ydae i understand your helplessness.. but i guess all u can do is to wait.. i have no idea what went on after ydae's discussion.. but in any case i hope u'd be able to jian qiang yi dian.. really hurts to see you in this state.. but i know its inevitable.. i'll be here 24/7 k? anytime u wanna talk or cry or just want someone by your side u can alwaes call me.. i reallie have no idea what else i can do to help.. if u need anything just voice out k? F4 n ah ma n ah jie n everyone else in klass will do anything to help.. we're all reallie worried bout u.. jiayou na.. i miss the ben niao.. de chirpy bouncy ben niao..
is there an end to a rainbow? is there an end to everything nice? i like fairytales but i dun live in one. i dun believe in one anw. i like stars but i dun even know if the real one looks like that. i like being loved but i dun like being controlled. i like him but i dun even know if he's the one. there is an end to everything nice. just like there is a full stop after every sentence. but there's a new beginning after a painful end. there's always smth else to look forward to. the sun will still rise. the sky will still cry. the earth still spins. life still goes on.
"Love is patient; love is kind.
Love is not pompous, it is not inflated. It is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.
It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)
anw my cough's bad again.. plus headache in de afternoon.. plus cramps.. plus gastric pain.. yikes.. how did i sleep in that state huh? im sucha pig i can sleep in all conditions lah.. well.. hopefully i'll be better tmr..
*[a lil princess thought at]*|22:33|
that's de title of de song on my blog now.. its a beautiful song but somehow de video is hilarious lah!!! watch it n u'll know why.. its a dumb video.. doesnt fit de song at all! -_-" just listen n enjoy de music yarh? hahahah.. nothing much todae.. nothing much to sae.. im bored... n sickly n crampy.. yikes..
love is like a burning flame.. u gotta keep adding oil drop by drop to keep it burning.. it isnt about the big things you do.. but about the small lil thots you have.. its not about celebrating vdae n anniversaries n birthdaes.. its about doing the small lovely things everyday..
one day the flame will die out.. one day the love wouldnt last.. one day the person might be gone.. but u know that's not all.. he's left with you beautiful memories.. he's left with you his love.. he's given you the best for the times you were together.. n that's more impt after all..
i remember a line on huihui's shirt.. 'change is the only constant'.. dont u agree?
*[a lil princess thought at]*|17:13|
Monday, February 14, 2005
happie vdae to you, you and YOU!!!!!!!!!!
VALENTINES! is a day for friends, family and lovers! =) just look at all de lovey dovey couples on de streets n u'd know its VDAE! =) stepping into school at 720.. u see heaps of pressies on every single class bench! bought nice nice tulips for all de girls in klass n made some stuffs for ppl in class! *sorrie cant give everybody.. i'll make more next time yarh?* ah jie, bongie, dil, youzi, nana, cao lu, xiao wei, santi.. ALL DE GIRLS had stuffs for ppl in klass! they're so sweet! =) if u guys are reading this i wanna sae a big BEEEEEEEEG thank you to you all! =D *huggs* thanks so much for all the nice pressies n flowers n chocs n hand made stuffs! they're reallie reallie nice! wheeeeeeeees! ultra high now! =D brotherhood also gave a big big sunflower for every single girl in klass! *so sweet of them!* but lemme say smth.. my sunflower looks like chrysanthemum now.. cos its hanging down n it looks dead n listless n its drying.. so its sort of like dangling dangling there.. =/ everyone was staring at it as i took it home! hahahah.. but still its ultra nice! cos i LOVE sunflowers! =D vdae is a day of love! everyone's spreading love everywhere! this is just so sweeeeeeeet! n i think ah pa is so sweet too! ;) *i bet he'd read this!* heh. had a nice nice chat with him in school as i was slacking n waiting for dear.. n i must say its fun to talk to him!! mebbe cos i seldom like sit down n talk to him.. for once we were talking! i shdnt sound so amazed but i AM! =) its nice talking to ah pa! wheeeeees! shall talk to him more! =) zhiyin's ultra sweet to his gf also! weeming too! n TIEN YUAN WINS EVERYONE HANDS DOWN! cos he finished de tigger x stitch n its SOOOOOOOO chio! WOAH! im so proud of woon! *applauds* lalalalalardidums~
met ying n hua after sch for ice cream! n i had pineapple tart icecream while hua took teh tarik! weird flavors huh? try em out at serene centre! they're reallie funkie! nice k! =) got a nice cute pressie from em n had to go back to sch.. den slacked n talked till i met dear at 6! went sim lim with him cos he wanted to get his game! YAYS! he finally got it! =D den he was holding this big plastic bag n i was asking him what it was.. n i realised it was my pressie!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhs! shd i sae what it is? shd i? okie i shd! cos im so happie looking at it sitting on my bed!! its a bag i like!!! n there's mr blackie in there!!! n there's a piece of wood in which he shouldered my name!!!!!!!!! *how to spell shoulder? or soulder??* but i absolutely LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE it! its so nice! n its so painstakingly made! ahhhhhhhs! ahhhhhhhhhhhs! *melts* *drools* *drowns* (in happiness) hahahahah.. its reallie soooooooooooooo nice i cant believe it lah! =)=)=)=)=) im so touched! i love him! ahhhhhhs! im still so crazie crazie over de pressie! cant stop smiling at it! *melted* hopefully he likes de pressie i gave him too! =D
this is sucha nice vdae! wheeeeees! im so full of happiness now! oh yesh i went to de doc.. n he gave me some med for asthma.. n guess what! i took it n im coughing like mad now!!!!!! i actualie puked due to coughing just now! yikes! =x think its reallie reallie bad.. n i dunno why! just cant stop coughing at all! hopefully i'll be okie by tmr or i dun think mom will let me go to school! argh!!! cant even catch my breath now! =s im going to bed! feel like hugging de bag to bed! hahahah.. oh wells i'll dream of it! =) cant stand de coughing anymore.. i've got nothing in my tummy for it to empty.. hahah.. nites darlings! HAPPIE VALENTINES DAY!!
*[a lil princess thought at]*|23:50|
Sunday, February 13, 2005
high high high! todae's tuition was so freakin high! we had champagne, red wine n XO n 2 guys got DRUNK! *.* one guy realie looked like that!!! hahahahah.. one nj guy n rj guy called reeve got drunk! n reeve was reallie funny.. he actualie wobbled his way to de mrt station.. n de guys all thot he was faking it! so they din bother bout him! in de end he sat at de roadside n said 'its real!'!!!! hahahah.. like which drunkard says he's really drunk!?!? wahahha.. freakin mad dae! but even after he said that nobody realie bothered bout him.. poor dude! =p n de nj guy was totally flushed! totally red with bloodshot eyes! both of them couldnt walk straight for nuts lah! kept leaning to de walls at de side! while huihui, dil, bongie n me kept laffing behind them.. hahaha.. den de nj guy would turn arnd n say in a sort-of-stern-manner 'its not funnie k!' hahahah.. we'd just laff harder lah! de 4 of us were just having fun seeing them topple from side to side n walking like crabs.. =D but de party todae kinda made de klass talk! like de girls n de guys interacted! i never talked to others in de klass besides those few girls arnd me.. but for once we introed ourselves to each other! got to know de cj guy's name finally! yiyong i think? he remembers that i sat next to ronald! =) *im so significant!* hahaha.. n a rj guy called dexter! oh yes! de drunk nj guy n someone else dragged reeve across the mrt platform! literally dragged him on de floor! =s super scarie manx! they're violent ppl! but de girls still kept laffing n not helping lah.. hahaha.. well todae's lesson was funkie! bong, dil, hui n me actualie managed to come up with part of the answer for this challenge qn.. so bong got a $12 chocolate!!! godiva chocs! *dun ever try the 85% cocoa one.. u'll just cry out of bitternesssssss* who de crap buys $12 choc! i mean ONE choc u know!!! *faints* anw we were so proud of ourselves! rite girls? ;)
afta dat hui n me went ps to get stuffs from spotlight.. met dear there.. den had pasta for lunch! YAYS! =) supposed to go far east flora afta dat but realised dat it was raining.. so we kind of slack in de arcade for awhile.. den i decided to be good n call mommie.. n she started making noise bout me going to far east flora n all that crap.. saying im wasting money n stuff.. like WTH.. its my allowance! cant i save up n spend it to make my frens happie? *growls* i was realie pissed by her shrieking over the fone lah! n making a whole lot of noise saying that i must reach J8 by 3.15.. *as though she'd be punctual! -rolls eyes-* but anw i got damn pissed by her attitude n it was already 2+.. so i decided i might as well go bishan straightaway.. n if she din reach by 3.15 i'd be screaming at her.. but dear sort of dragged me out of de train at newton n insisted there'd be enough time.. so we got off n LUCKY US! de first bus that came along was beloved 162~ =) so we were earlie in fact! chose what i wanted n i was happie happie happie! seeing those prettie flowers *though i couldnt afford them* but they look nice n sweet n happie in that ice cream room (its some storage freezer i think?) i love those white n purple thingies! who'd be kind enough to get some for me? nahhhs just joking! anw we hopped on 156 n my mom called *again*! n guess what.. it was 3 n she was calling from HOME! freak! but she's mommie.. i still love her n wouldnt scream.. argh! but i was so fed up! *GRRR* late freak!
okie.. more serious stuffs.. i came to some realisation todae.. not exactly a realisation.. but just seems like im able to put my thoughts into words after so long thinking bout this.. in de previous entry i talked bout onions rite? n personality n character? but come to think of it.. we're young punks here.. we're still shaping our so called 'character' n 'personality'.. many are still in search of who they really are.. so the surroundings, friends, family.. all play a part in changing us.. one thing i felt is that friends really do change a person.. esp at my age i guess.. where friends play such a large part of my life.. one's preferences, tastes, likings, hobbies etc etc.. might just change to suit a friend.. or rather.. change such that u have more things in common with someone else.. *is that true?* somebody once said that we werent able to connect anymore cos we were too similar.. now i think its the opposite.. we're too different.. we've been changed so much by our different surroundings, friends, family.. that we dun belong together anymore.. almost everything.. opinions, attitudes, likings have changed.. dont u realise it? i've never realie found ourselves similar.. i've alwaes found myself on your opposing end.. which is probably why its so hard to get our ideas across anymore.. isnt it? for once i found an answer to smth.. let me find more answers to my heart...
*[a lil princess thought at]*|23:59|
Saturday, February 12, 2005
lalala~ its a happie day! woke at 11! was coughing non stop last night.. was so bad i kept waking up in de night lah.. n as i type im coughing.. hard to aim at de alphabets cos my hands keep moving about.. hahaha.. aniwae i went to my aunt's place to make konnyaku!!! =D i think this batch is more yummy than de previous one! *beams* i shall do a batch on my own n start promoting it.. hehe.. but i was late cos i forgot i had to meet dearie at tp! (but he was late as well) so it was alrightey~ =p went to eat de nice nice ba chor mee at novena! been so long since we ate it! it tastes better everytime we go back! just makes u *ask for more* hahahah.. i somehow picture aaron kwok doing that 'ask for more' advertisement.. for pepsi isit? hahahaha.. he's so seriously gay! okie.. back to my point.. my yummy ba chor mee.. ppl who alwaes go novena can go try! its at united square food court! =) u wont regret it! =D afta dat we headed to heeren n cine to check out dear's game.. but it aint out yet.. it'll onlie be out on vdae! he'll have a new game to keep him occupied for a few months again! hahaha.. but we wanted to try more places so went to funan.. n they gave him de same response lah~ oh btw i saw a nice pink adidas cap!!! its sweet pink n there's de trademark 3 stripes in de middle! super chio! *ahhhhhhs* but i'd prefer blue or white actualie.. but in a way pink is unique.. but abit too sweet lah.. RAHHHHS.. im broke. so i shant get anything.. hahaha =x
went ying's place for dinner! been so long since i met up with ying hua harry n chris! =) been a few years since i went to her place i think? cos i dun even recognise my way there! but hua was there to navigate.. *surprising huh? hua's de one navigating!!! =p* i like her mommie's cooking! yummy! =) but i was careful not to stick my chopsticks into everything.. cos im SICK~~ im so pathetically SICK~~~ i want calbee hot n spicy chips, pokka green tea, ice cream, pasta, chocolate that melts in mouth, fried chicken, chilli!!, stingray!!!!!!!, pineapple tarts!!, cashew nut cookies!!!!, all sorts of new year goodies!, bak kwa!!!!!!!! okie.. when i aint sick i wont realie crave for these.. but somehow when u're sick u CRAVE for them.. argh! im gonna store all my new year goodies in my storeroom n save them up till i recover! bleahs. oh right.. back to ying's place.. i left after dinner n 2 rounds of bridge.. cos hua had to go.. ='( shall catch up with them another dae.. maybe meeting on vdae or smth? =)
daddie made me kinda upset just.. hurts to see him like that.. sighs.. a leopard never changes its spots yarh? i didnt believe in this line when i was younger.. n i tried ways n means to tell my mom that people do change.. but in a way.. people never change.. n i was forced to believe that a leopard really never changes its spots.. =( when i was younger i described people as onions.. cos u gotta peel them layer by layer to know them well.. normally what one person shows to others is just his personality.. probably what i'd relate to as the first two layers? to reallie know a person is to understand his character.. which very few people reallie achieve in knowing a person.. honestly.. i can count the number of people who reallie know me well.. hahah.. but good friends are few.. =) i used to dislike people who put on a front to others.. to act nice n all that crap.. cos i think its all rubbish.. *i still think it is* but i guess due to some society's constraints n stuff.. some ppl gotta act nice to fit to this certain bill.. *which is crap btw* i disagree.. cos i think one shouldnt be putting on a mask to face others.. just so that they'd be accepted.. that's a pretty sad life u're leading then.. why not open yourself up and show others de true you.. if others dont accept you for being you then so be it.. if u know smth's wrong with yourself den change it.. interpersonal relationships are about giving and taking.
whassup with that long crap bout character n relationships.. hahahah.. i've got no idea.. just voicing smth i guess.. anw hui.. there reallie isnt anything admirable about me.. i found out that when a person's angry.. he/she tends to see things in a very narrow perspective.. refusing to accept others' advices n ideas.. calm down.. take a rest.. n when u cool down u'll see a clearer picture of everything.. u were the one that taught me to be patient.. im still trying to learn it.. =) friends are all teacher-mentors in a way or another yarh? nana n hui have taught me alot on r/s.. i realie hope all the best for them.... *prays*
*[a lil princess thought at]*|23:11|
Friday, February 11, 2005
joy*: u're finally here again! =) how've u been sweetie? happie cny! *huggs* date me leh! quick! im up for grabs!! =)
dil: im one luckie girl! sit at kopitiam also can meet sly! hahahahah.. *melts with happinesS* my vdae pressies also kenot finish wor.. sobs.. i doing as many as possible at de fastest rate possible.. =x
garfield: thanks so much.. i understand what u meant by that.. but im one stubborn pig that just refuses to change.. hahaha.. i guess my biggest challenge is to learn to accept n accommodate.. i'll try my best to learn.. anw i think i wont be meeting u guys tmr le.. =( u guys going out w clan again isit? nvm.. i'll catch up with ying! =) cya another time yarh!
*[a lil princess thought at]*|23:53|
met dear todae.. n he looked so tired n listless.. so worn out.. =( cos he had been losing sleep for de past few days i think.. sighs.. felt a pang of heartache when i saw him that way.. in fact i wasnt sure of what to tell him.. i heard him out n i was supposed to come to a decision todae.. but i was still uncertain.. but i could say that 75% of me wanted to say that i wanted to keep to my decision to break.. but i knew i wouldnt be able to keep to my decision once i saw him.. n i was so damn right! everytime i see him sad i'd be more upset.. reallie hurts to see someone u love in agony..
anw im sad that de marina area has been upgraded.. de place that we used to sit at n enjoy the sea breeze was enclosed up.. n de other area we walked to was upgraded till it looked kinda like esplanade.. in a way its good.. but in a way i miss the old place.. but things do change.. n some things are lost forever.. all we can do is to accept the new.. isnt it?
dear n me sat there.. cried.. n i realised i couldnt bear to put all of this down.. sounds dumb.. but yes.. it is harder than it sounds.. hui is right.. im self torturing.. i keep pushing him out of my mind even though i know i still love him.. just because there are certain things i refuse to accept.. i refuse to admit.. n therefore causing myself pain n tears.. up till now i still refuse to accept.. but at least i admit what's wrong.. perhaps i'd never accept it.. but at least i'd force myself to live with it.. i mean.. one's his best friend n one's his gf.. i cant expect anything out of him can i? since i've decided to keep him by my side i've got to live with it.. like it or not.. its smth i must stomach..
the past few days have been torturous i must say.. i have no idea how much tears i've cried n dried.. my pillow prob stinks like hell now.. but i've learnt how hard it is to pull someone out of your heart n mind.. how painful it is.. i've never really been through a break up.. never a break up so serious.. so real.. so hurting.. but in a way i've seen how all my friends cared for me.. n im so grateful i've got such great pals arnd me.. *huggS* i would have been in much more pain if not for their care n concern.. sighs.. made them worried..
this emotional rollercoaster ride has taught me alot.. or rather.. he has taught me alot.. he's afraid i'd get tired again.. n i'd run away again.. n i might.. but i've learnt to let him know.. before i make any decisions on my own.. love isnt about being loved.. its about giving love.. only when you give will you learn to appreciate him more..
*[a lil princess thought at]*|22:22|
Thursday, February 10, 2005
ydae stayed up till 330 playing cards with cousins n frens.. nearly died there at de table.. cos i was tired n coughing n having fever.. hahah.. n mommie kinda forced me to wear a red shirt so i had to wear this red off shoulder top she dug out from my cabinet.. with my jeans shorts.. n guess what!? my cousin actualie said i looked like some young sexy babe! *he seldom compliments me* but kinda duh lah.. he keeps saying im fat.. finally for new year he doesnt suan me.. =) he was asking how come i became so skinny n sickly looking.. *duhs rite.. i AM sick!* n dis morning i coughed out GREEEEEEEEN phlegm!!!!!!! YUCKS!!! gross!!! its freakin green! im so gonna die.. in de afternoon even coughed out abit of blood.. YIKES. what's going on! isnt it just a cough!? bleahs.. im gonna cough cough cough till i die...
actualie cny eve night i wanted to call sy.. wanted to talk to him.. okie that's a lie.. i just wanted to hear his voice.. but i fell asleep.. cos de day b4 i onlie had half an hour of sleep.. which was kinda hell for me.. so i kind of cried myself to sleep on cny eve.. managed to talk to him on chu yi night.. wch was like ydae.. we talked till 2+.. with lots of disturbances cos my cousins kept coming into my room.. it felt good to talk to him again.. cos i missed his voice.. kind of wished he could be by my side but i knew it couldnt be true.. i heard his pt of view on de issue.. n all de feelings came overwhelming me again.. yups i miss him.. but i still feel that i cant keep him by my side.. i guess almost everything of him is great.. but there are certain things i cant tolerate.. n so happen that he possesses.. its like your fave food with a worm in there.. (weird description but im so hungry now) yea.. i guess that's why i know we wont go far.. even if we patch n try n try n try like we've alwaes been trying.. sighs. hui is right.. its so wasted for me to give up like that when i still love him so much.. but i dun see another way to resolve this.. does anyone have a better suggestion? sighs.
on a happier note! i saw sly todae!!! at a coffeeshop!!! *melts* i saw him walking towards my table's direction n i was like.... SYLVESTER!?!?!??!?!? he was with his family.. n he was wearing that black jacket n jeans like he alwaes does on stage.. hahaha.. trust me.. he looks GREAT in person! totally MELTED! hahaha.. i was so shocked to see him i was staring at him with my BEEEEEEEEEEEG eyes.. den he got shocked to see me staring.. so he stared back! den de two of us just look at each other in shock! -_-" so lame manx.. why cant i meet him in a more appropriate manner.. grrr.. i was in tee shirt n shorts lah! den wearing toot specs n stuff! sho uglie! den no paper no pen no camera! ='( sobs.
sorting out my thoughts tmr.. at a place i can find peace.. a place of our own.. im indecisive.. but i'd force a conclusion out of myself.. love isnt all it takes to be in a relationship.. reallie..
*[a lil princess thought at]*|23:46|
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
this year's chu yi is so quiet.. shows are boring n there's absolutely nobody on de streets.. probably one or two families trying to flag down taxis.. but that's all the people i see.. even cars are scarce.. scarie.. daddie's frens are here.. cousins coming by later on at night.. just ordered kfc for lunch *yup im committing suicide here.. my sore throat aint any better n im heading for kfc* chicky year eat chicken.. *cough cough* i've just lost 80% of my voice todae.. basically honing my sexy voice now.. have a feeling its gonna stay with me thru this cny so i might as well hone it..
i admire ppl who fight for true love.. but when u're the one fighting against it.. de feeling is weird..
i've completed a few vdae pressies.. n i've stopped making his.. maybe cos i lost de drive to do it.. or cos i'd think of him while doing it.. im still hiding.. hiding from that feeling in me. all the smses onlie make me more bewildered.. but im trying my best to stay firm.. i cried when i read hui's entry bout him n me.. i couldnt believe i met her on that very dae.. certain things are meant to be yarh? the right person at the wrong time is still the wrong thing to happen. im sure he's the one for me.. but circumstances dont allow me to think so anymore.... why is fate so cruel to me?
*[a lil princess thought at]*|17:37|
You Are A Realistic Romantic |
You are more romantic than 70% of the population.
It's easy for you to get swept away by romance...
But you've done a pretty good job keeping perspective.
You're still taken in by love poems and sunsets
You just don't fall for every dreamy pick up line! |
*[a lil princess thought at]*|16:13|
Dancin' in the dark, middle of the night
Takin' your heart and holdin' it tight
Emotional touch, touchin' my skin
And asking you to do what you've been doin' all over again
Oh it's a beautiful thing, don't think I can keep it all in
I just gotta let you know what it is that won't let me go
It's your love
It just does something to me
It sends a shock right through me
I can't get enough
And if you wonder
About the spell I'm under
Oh it's your love
Better than I was, more than I am
And all of this happened by taking your hand
And who I am now is who I wanted to be
And now that we're together,
I'm stronger than ever
I'm happy and free
Oh it's a beautiful thing,
Don't think I can keep it all in
If you asked me why I've changed,
All I gotta do is say your sweet name
It's your love
It just does something to me
It sends a shock right through me
I can't get enough
And if you wonder
About the spell I'm under
Oh, it's your love
Baby, Oh oh, oh,
Oh it's a beautiful thing,
Don't think I can keep it all in
I just gotta let you konw what it is that won't let me go
It's your love
It just does something to me
It sends a shock right through me
I can't get enough
And if you wonder
About the spell I'm under,
Oh it's your love
It's your love, it's your love, it's your love
Every little thing that you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I wanna spend the rest of my life with you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
------------------------------------------
this is a song he sent me a long time ago.. but a song i love very much.. heard it on my playlist n reminded me of all the times we shared.. memories.. memories that'd be kept forever.. its a beautiful song.. matched with beautiful memories..
*[a lil princess thought at]*|14:24|
We're so different you and I
Never see things eye to eye
This can't be right
But I can't fight it
My friendys keep asking why I try
They tell me that you're not my type
But I can't hide
What I feel inside of me
If it's wrong
Tell me why I'm holding on
No matter what I say or do
I can't hold back my love for you
I know it's true
I can't help falling
Even though my heart is strong
My head keeps saying it's all wrong
What can I do
I can't help falling
No matter what I say or do
Yeah
I can't help falling
The minute that I see your face
No one else can take your place
How can this be
Always you and me
Everytime I feel your touch
Makes me want you, oh so much
To hold you close
Never let you go away
Can't you see
How you keep me holding on
No matter what I say or do
I can't hold back my love for you
I know it's true
I can't help falling
Even though my heart is strong
My head keeps saying it's all wrong
What can I do
I can't help falling
No matter what I say or do
Yeah
I can't help falling
But I know
You're the one
I wanna be with you tonight
Gonna trust what I feel
No matter what I say or do
I can't hold back my love for you
I know it's true
I can't help falling
Even though my heart is strong
My head keeps saying it's all wrong
What can I do
I can't help falling
*[a lil princess thought at]*|14:20|
Baby tell me where'd you ever learn
To fight without sayin' a word
Then waltz back into my life
Like it's all gonna be alright
Don't you know how much it hurts
When we don't talk
When we don't touch
When it doesn't feel like we're even in love
It matters to me
When I don't know what to say
Don't know what to do
Don't know if it really even matters to you
How can I make you see
It matters to me
Maybe I still don't understand
The distance between a woman and a man
So tell me how far it is
And how you can love like this
'Cause I'm not sure I can
When we don't talk
When we don't touch
When it doesn't feel like we're even in love
It matters to me
When I don't know what to say
Don't know what to do
Don't know if it really even matters to you
How can I make you see
It matters to me
*[a lil princess thought at]*|14:19|
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be
[Chorus:]
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...
You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be
[Chorus]
It's nice to know you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done
*[a lil princess thought at]*|19:49|
im posting so much todae.. cos i dun feel like disturbing others on cny eve.. its cny eve for goodness gracious sake.. i feel bad for making all my frens so worried bout me.. harry, thanks for the messages.. i know u mean well.. i'll get back on my feet soon.. nana, thanks for that super long msg.. i think u understand best how im feeling.. but im not ready to talk.. or rather.. im not ready to face reality..
dont speak like its so easy to treat u as a normal fren again. it isnt as simple as u think. probably for u it aint hard. but for me its hell of a tough task. i dunno in what capacity am i supposed to talk to u. but all i know is that i can onlie keep my distance n try to forget u day by day. its painful. but i think it'd be more painful to have u as a friend. the greatest distance is having the person u love in front of you but not having him. heard of this line b4? i totally understand it now.
anw ppl enjoy ur cny k.. went back ny in de morn with bong n youzi.. n i must say ny CO rawks! the piece they performed was like WOAH.. totally swept me off my feet~ n there are so many ppl in CO now.. there're actualie 6 rows of er hu.. isnt that so crazie.. but chinese dance kinda disappointed me cos its some tribal dance thingie wch i dunno how to appreciate.. modern dance was w-e-i-r-d.. anw met so many teachers.. smelt de black ink for calligraphy.. saw a sea of nanyang girls writing calligraphy.. feels real good to be back in ny.. i miss ny.. i miss de homely feeling.. i miss de lovey dovey feeling..
*[a lil princess thought at]*|19:39|
bong n dil just left.. came my place to make pressies.. i havent completed them btw.. fell asleep half way thru cos i din catch any sleep ydae.. now with ugly puffy eyes.. yucks.. anw thanks to nana, bongie, youzi, dil, hui, marcus.. i know all of u are worried.. n im already trying to be strong.. just gimme some time.. everytime i quieten down n think of him i'd tear.. so i'd rather be occupied.. but just now i was laffing at smth bong did.. n when i finally stopped laffing i was tearing already.. WTH. smth's seriously wrong with me.. i hate this.. get out of my mind.
while im here crying for him it doesnt seem likely that he's crying for me.. so what's de pt.. i shd just pick myself up n move on asap.. it doesnt seem like he's as affected as me.. maybe im too sentimental n emotional.. but yeas.. no pt crying over spilled milk.. talking to bong made me abit better.. i shd heck care about things more.. if he aint bothered.. why shd i be bothered..
sighs.. shuo de rong yi zuo de nan.. actions speak louder than words yea? dun worrie.. i'll find my way to get over him.. thinking of doing smth on fridae.. n i guess i'll feel much better after that.. anw im having a freaky sore throat now.. fever came back.. i have no idea how long this is gonna last.. just hope that i'd recover in a dae to eat new year goodies.. cny eve is todae? sighs.. this so doesnt feel like it..
*[a lil princess thought at]*|15:27|
feeling better. pulling thru. but somehow there's an empty space inside which cant be filled. de space he used to occupy.
*[a lil princess thought at]*|11:39|
stop trying so hard cos i wont try. stop thinking everything's gonna be fine. stop asking me to hold on to hope. everything has come to an end. face it. im trying to come to terms with it so stop holding me back.
my tears have run dry. quicker than i expected. but it feels worse when u want to cry but no tears fall. i feel my heart aching. i'd rather die. i'll pull thru. someday i would. he's out of my life n its a fact. things will never be the same again.
*[a lil princess thought at]*|01:53|
Monday, February 07, 2005
went out with dear todae.. i actualie dragged myself down to bras basah to get stuff i need for his pressie.. den met him at bugis to find his cny clothes.. in de end went down to far east to get his jeans.. (they look great on him!) got a shirt from heeren.. (nice white shirt) n got another white shirt from OG n a long sleeve tee! *i have a thing for guys in long sleeved tees* =) im glad he found nice cny clothes.. hopefully his cny will be much better than mine...
i was selfish.. b4 i met him i already decided that this would be our last date. which was why i kept crying along the way.. but i couldnt tell him why.. i couldnt bear to see his reaction.. (sorry i couldnt bring up the courage to tell u face to face.. im not able to do it) even as im typing this i cant stop my tears from rolling down my cheeks.. i chose to let go.. n yet i feel miserable.. but i guess short term misery is better than us suffering if we continue.. tears kept falling.. when i was with him.. as i typed the msg telling him abt it.. as i was having dinner with my parents.. i kept trying to swallow my tears but i just couldnt.. n had to lie that de tears were due to my flu.. everytime i read a msg from him i'd cry.. i just cant help it.. i want him so much but i cant keep him by my side.. i've always thot he'd be my male lead for life.. i still think so.. but i guess we're not meant to be... when will i be able to stop crying?
to him: thanks dear.. u've given me the most memorable 11 mths of my life.. nobody will be able to replace ur place in my heart.. i'd treasure all the moments we shared.. tears n joy.. maybe we tried so hard to keep each other though we knew we had already lost each other.. maybe we loved each other so much we started demanding.. whatever it is.. u're my beloved dear.. n i wont use this word on anyone else.. only u are fit to be my dear.. in any case.. i hope u'd enjoy ur cny n vdae.. stay happie.. even if its for my sake.. for the last time i'd say this.. i love you
*[a lil princess thought at]*|12:03|
i think im sick physically n mentally.. somehow my emotional probs kinda made me sick.. like some self induced thingie.. what crap.. missed school.. cos fever refuses to subside.. took so many panadols i already feel like puking.. but still gotta go bras basah later to get stuffs.. hopefully i dun faint along de way.. i dun have anything to blog actualie.. just bored n finding a place to rant.. oh wells.. smsing bongie.. she's coming up tmr to do pressie.. dil n bong n me are all not in sch todae.. they must've passed me de virus in tuition!
i still dont wish to talk.. i probably never will.. stop probing.. what's done is done.. nothing's gonna change the fact
*[a lil princess thought at]*|09:24|
Sunday, February 06, 2005
what a great day. spoiled at 1.35pm. till now i havent recovered. thank goodness bongie was with me at art friends or i'd just have gone crazy. btw art friends is a great place to get materials for presents. just that u'd be spoiled for choice n spend like mad. *which is what hui, bong n me did todae*
im so tired to type. shit. i hate to get so affected but like WTH? im sitting here crying yet again. dun think im tough just cos i act okay. as much as i can try to accommodate i do have my soft spots. stop thinking that u're a saint n im a demanding unresonable selfish person. rejected two frens cos i thot u needed to go shopping tmr but i guess it aint needed. i've changed plans n bong's coming to my place to do pressies. im not gonna see u. go to school. even if u drag me i wont budge. just get lost. i realie hate things this way. im tired. so drained. i dun wanna care anymore. dun think u understand me very well when u dont. u dont even know what's going on in my mind right now. so get lost n stop bothering bout me. i'll get lost n stop bothering bout u too.
*[a lil princess thought at]*|18:30|
Saturday, February 05, 2005
im sleeeepy.. going to K.O. after this entry.. ydae i slept at 4+? 5? n den i woke at 6! cos it was too cold in there n i was getting this backache from my weird sleeping posture.. hahah.. so i went downstairs to see zhiyin's papa having breakfast! stunned* n i realised i was de onlie one awake besides zhiyin's dad n his maid.. so i decided to play with Nemo! *yepx nemo was awake too!!* he was hyper in de morning manx! den after playing with him i fell asleep on de sofa downstairs! hahah.. slept till about 7 i think.. yeppps.. but i still feel extremely tired the whole dae.. slept from 2+ to 7 just now.. n i forgot to sms dear when i reached home n made him worried for de whole dae.. ooops. sorrie dear.. =x im v stressed out over pressies.. n den mondae there's a chem test on ionic equilibria.. my concept on buffers arent that strong.. gotta mug den can.. n tmr im going tuition n bras basah.. how to find time to mug!? *faints* who cares... im gonna sleeeeeeep n think bout that tmr! wheeeeeeeeeeees! goodnite! =)
*[a lil princess thought at]*|23:57|
heyyyys! im at mr ow's hse!!! heheh.. his hse is so beeeeg n cool lah! n his beloved Nemo is super adorable too! *dats his doggie btw* Nemo's hyper n loves to stick arnd ppl! he agrees to get carried by nana n ah ma n me! hahah! =) anw gonna stay up de whole night doing stuffs with nana zhiyin ah pa.. gonna lock ourselves up n PIA! hahaha.. STJ was pretty successful! okie i must admit there wasnt much interaction between snrs n jnrs.. except de going home part when i was talking to zilun.. i din talk to alot of de jnrs.. hahah.. but still its enjoyable having this sorta major party n gathering of some sort~ (zhiyin's keyboard weird weird onex.. i type until very xin ku..) anw poor sheryl twisted her ankle cos she missed a step as she was running down de stairs! =( kkie i shall go help ah pa n zhiyin with their stuffs! =) lets all jiayou together! ehh huihui i wanna go bras basah!!! afta tuition we drop by to get things we need den we zhao k? =D
mad outta here!
*[a lil princess thought at]*|01:36|
Friday, February 04, 2005
ookie i dun have much to blog but just saying byeeee for a night! going off to zhiyin's place already! =) gonna pia pressies like siao tonight.. most prob staying up thru de night with nana *if we both manage to stay awake n concentrate* hahaha.. anw de konnyaku is nice! for a first attempt i'd rate it 75%! =D STJ STJ STJ! gonna have some major bonding with those jnrs~ n dear's so sweet! he accompanied me all de way to JEC to get de threads for zhiyin.. den accompanied me all the way back so he could help me bring de jellies to zhiyin's place! (sounds like im treating him as a coolie yarh?) hahaha.. but still i owe him a favour for this! kkies i betta rush off to zhiyin's place b4 it gets dark~ cya peeps! anw huihui u wanna go bras basah on sundae? go to this shop called 'Art Friends' to get materials to do pressies.. heard that there're loads of things there! im gonna pay a visit! =) STJ STJ STJ STJ STJ....
*[a lil princess thought at]*|18:23|
Thursday, February 03, 2005
made TONS of konnyaku jellie todae! n they rawk~ okie not FABULOUS.. but at least they look presentable yarh? ;) spent half the day doing them! with dildil nana bongie n santi! n b4 that we were at kfc slacking n chatting.. n it was hilarious manx! kept talking bout somebody who 'popped out' of nowhere.. hahahah.. okie i cant elaborate too much here but they'd know what we were talking about.. just bitching bout a certain somebody.. x) well not in the mean kinda way lah.. just dat we were so super high we kept laffing non stop n made lotsa noise!! hahaha.. at de traffic light at GV there a lil boy did smth farnie to us too! we were standing in a semicircle kinda formation when he just walked right into de middle.. n did de 'silence' hand action.. as if he was trying to ask us to shuddup!!! hahahah.. n all of us were stunned lah! a lil boy suddenly pop out n do dat action to u.. weird manx!
anw de konnyaku jellies are for tmr! at zhiyin's hse STJ!!! YAYNESS~ super hyper bout it! n there's gonna be a x stitch club there! gonna book a room for all those doing x stitch.. hahahah.. they're gonna do it overnight n die flat de next dae~ all de guys are like mugging x stitch now lah! n ah pa cannot do in klass cos ah ma will see it.. so he sae he'll go zhiyin hse n hide inside de toilet.. hahahah.. n he was damn farnie during break todae! our farnie conversation:
ah pa: ehh de x stitch so hard to do... i die liao lah..
me: wont lah! can pia one! im sure u can do it! do at zhiyin hse lah!
ah pa: okie! i book zhiyin's toilet already! u know where to find me arh!
me: ...
ah pa: ehh do x stitch eyes will become smaller nots? (his eyes already very very tinieeeee)
me: wont lah!! but urs smaller also no diff.. cant see anw~ maybe will get cock-eyed? but ur eyes so small also cant see lah.. nvm nvm..
ah pa: die liao lah die liao lah... cannot finish de whole pic i do de head onlie can?
me: ...............................
hahah.. de guys are realie piaing like nuts lah.. every night just keep doing that n not doing work.. but honestly i think they rawk.. cos at least they'd know dat its so tough to do a x stitch.. most guys dun appreciate it lor! i bet they would appreciate such things after doing it once.. cos its so tough! so time consuming! it isnt as simple as it looks k!
there's dis family tree in 04s6b.. n i somehow or another became de daughter of bong n eugene!!! or isit eugene n nana? or isit nana n jk? *bleahs* i have no idea who my parents are.. they insist i was from de bin.. *grrrr* but at least bong dotes on meeee! not realie lah.. but at least she says im her daughter! hahahah.. things are fishy mishi between papa n mama.. hopefully it all turns out well yarhs? =)
super fun dae but im exhausted! still gotta continue doing pressie! im so gonna die! gotta make lots of pressies for frens on vdae! *faints* nana would know how BUSY BUSY BUSY i am manx! ahhhh jiu ming arh! tmr might not blog cos going to zhiyin's place.. anw i think zhiyin's gf is so xing fu! she's so so so lucky to have zhiyin as her bf! qianjun too! ahhhhs! they're such luckie girls! =) cos their bfs are soooo soooooo soooooooooooo sweet! zhiyin was talking to me n nana bout r/s stuffs n we were like so ultimately *melted* by what he did for his gf! he realie loves his gf loads manx! luckie girl! =)=)=)
You Are 22 Years Old |
22
Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.
13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.
20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.
30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!
40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.
|
*[a lil princess thought at]*|23:10|
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
todae was slacker dae~ siamed for lunch at 2 n went to get stuffs from aunt n buy stuffs for konnyaku jelly making! had to carry a few kgs of stuff home all by myself lah! -_-" den tmr gotta get trays from ah jie.. den buy canned fruits.. n beloved mommy just told me dat our fridge cant accommodate 200 jellies so gotta put at aunt's place.. WOWS.. that just means carrying 200 jellies from my place to aunt's place.. ahhhhhhs! maybe can borrow santi's fridge too? hehe.. anw i bet tmr would be fun! im so excited lah! n fri ish STJ! will be staying over at zhiyin's place with de jnr klass! =) dats what de jellies are for! =D
oh yarhs.. ms ng is realie zai lah.. i admire her for her courage in saying out the most sensitive topic in class.. the fact that clement is ostrocized. its sad and mean to say it straight in his face lah.. but its de truth.. n ms ng actualie said it n hoped we could do smth to change it.. i think its right for someone to voice out.. n de best person to do so is probably ms ng.. i mean, if a klassmate were to sae it i guess he/she would probably get ostrocized as well? there's this possibility rite? n i guess noone would take that chance rite? dats y ms ng addressed it.. n i think it sorta woke some of us that we shd make a concious effort to include him in one way or another.. everyone has their good pts yarh? =) at least i believe so!
my mortal gave me two quotes in her letter.. which i think are pretty nice.. so i shall share it with u guys!
"True friends stab you in the front."
"Life is a foreign language, all man mispronounce it."
---------------------------------------------------------
happie anniversary dear! know u'd be reading this.. =) *hugggS* had lotsa fun todae! yummy food n de best companionship! dunno why but i feel woah-ed by todae though we din spend alot of time together.. anw.. thanks for todae! =) good luck for all ya tests too! im sure u'd be able to do well! ;)
*[a lil princess thought at]*|22:21|
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
there's a x stitch fever going round my klass! currently 5 ppl frm my klass are x stitching.. 3 guys n 2 girls~! can u imagine guys doing x stitch!? thats so ultra duper super sweet... they RAWK manx! nana n me are their shi fu! hahaha.. cos we're one of those that know how to x stitch lah.. n zhiyin is sucha fast learner! he just learnt it todae n he can do it v nicely! =) *beams* im so proud of de guys in my klass.. for those who think that guys x stitching is sissy.. just think bout how much effort they're putting into it.. n one guy is doing de thing for a girl he likes.. not even his gf.. come on manx.. guys should learn from 04s6b guys! hahahah~ im so proud of them! =) n im even more jealous of those recipients manx~! they would be so touched! =)
todae de 2nd klass couple was like ANNOUNCED in klass.. n ms ng knows bout them too! hahah.. cos SK was sitting separated from de brotherhood gang.. wch is like so obvious.. n he was sitting at the corner with ah jie!! =D hahaha.. den brotherhood ppl started asking 'where is siongkiat huh?' 'wah! damn far away leh!' that kinda thing.. purposely made him malu.. n SK gave an excuse so dumb it left me laffing the whole afternoon! he said 'here nearer to toilet mah' when he was obviously sitting next to the windows lah!!!! -_-" (he's well known for running to de toilet n taking de longest to come back) hahahah.. SK n ah jie were blushing blushing blushing all de way.. tsktsk.. sucha blissful couple in klass~ =) vdae's gonna be exciting this year! hehe..
anw went to JE with nana n dil to get things.. nana is so much better todae.. after talking to ms ng i think.. she sorted out her thoughts.. =) ms ng is de best ct tutor one could wish for.. she not onlie takes care of your grades.. she takes care of your overall well being.. n she is even gonna call nana to talk to her later on at night.. =) she's definitely one ct tutor u can talk to when in doubt or trouble.. i love her!
was supposed to meet dear after sch to pass him smth.. i thot i told him ydae to meet at 320 at busstop but i guess he forgot or i didnt sae.. den he was in school earlie to study with frens so i couldnt pass him whatever i wanted to.. oh wells.. den had to finish it myself n it made me feel pukish for the rest of de day.. so i skipped lunch n dinner.. yikes. he called after his paper n thot we could meet at JE.. but he din wanna go cos it was so far.. i must admit i was kinda sian-ed by his response but nvm lah.. den after dat he told me he was going J8 n asked me down i was kinda WTH.. from JE to J8.. hello.. damn far leh.. he go JE also not as far as i go from JE to J8 lor.. kns.. so i came home n here i am blogging! =D
had lots of laffter n fun in school todae.. hope everydae would be like that! =) n hope nana will be as crazie n dumb like todae! hahaha.. ben niao jiu shi ben niao..
*[a lil princess thought at]*|19:29|
