Sunday, April 30, 2006
my last day being 18!
splitting headache from all the playing w lil kids at seletar. didi was super cute. so was wayne n shawn. anw my night's gonna be spent pubbing, dota-ing, movie n pool. n tmr's blading. about two mths back, i thot this bdae would be a lonely one, cos chris n sy arent arnd. surprisingly enough, there's darling zk. i wanna pass that 12am mark w him by my side. though i told him i might not make it to meet him, i know i'd end up travelling to find him.
i want him to know how lucky i am to have him. he's my biggest present this yr.
*[a lil princess thought at]*|19:58|
tanned w weiren n andrew instead. quite surprised that weiren's bod quite hot. hahaha. well there wasnt much of a sun, but i kinda fell asleep anw. met up w irene n hui at dhoby ghaut, checked out ymca for classes (n there were none?), shopped arnd. den daniel met up w me cos his frens were ultra late, n we just walked arnd chatting. he's got the dumbest things happening to him. who the hell dips his hp into maggi mee soup? or walks into this huge ball of candy floss? or puts my freaking name as KENNETH in his hp? idiot. i stayed as 'kenneth' for like a month b4 i found out. just for a show put up for angeline. -_-" how not worth it.
btw i met up w hui again after dan went to meet his frens, so hui n i shopped arnd in heeren. got a billabong skirt. (on impulse according to hui) but i thot it wasnt that impulsive leh. i've been wanting to get one since the denim one i got a few mths back. anw i was gonna meet dear in suntec for our lacoste polos, but i lost track of time in heeren n reached suntec at 9+. think i'll end up getting classic white lacoste, n i wonder if dear's color has his size. if not both of us getting classic white... for a hundred bucks... quite duh rite? he got the pink croc polo!! =) it looks hot on the model. bet it'd look hotter on him. hahahah.
oh yea i ended up slacking w him n his pals in suntec starbucks. they're a bunch of interesting ppl i reckon. but honestly, i cant rmr who's who. cant match names w faces. kinda paid half attn to their conversations cos i was really shagged alr. was gonna have drinks or pool w dan but i realised i was too tired to do anything. just wanted to crash into bed. its quite nice chilling w zk's frens cos u can keep quiet n just be entertained by the rest. most of the time w my frens im the one making noise. a diff grp of ppl give a totally diff new feeling. well we headed back arnd 12, quite early considering that i was actually planning to club.
realised that daddy's going vietnam on 8th instead. for a week plus. n i thot i could spend more time w dear during that period. but then, my baby might be in db at that time. sigh. i wanted to wreak havok when papa isnt at home, can spend more nights w dear, but now... if i go have fun w frens, i know darling will worry cos it isnt v safe. n i know i dun take v good care of myself sometimes. am i gonna stay a good girl in that week? but i'll be bored sick n i'll miss him like crap. i'd contract a serious disease called "zhikai lovesickness" lah. walao. sounds so mushy n sick. but i KNOW that'd happen. =( im upset tonight.
*[a lil princess thought at]*|01:37|
Saturday, April 29, 2006
pardon me if i type in some nonsensical n indecipherable way. cos im half asleep. super super shagged now. went zhong's place n we watched some chinese action movie. v nice show. think its called sha po lang or smth. n though i din end up pubbing, we had drinks in his place. hahaha. but din drink much, cos we went down to playground to slack after the show. its our gang's home ground. a place we seek so much comfort in since.... sec sch? =) sitting there n chatting is super shiok. but i somehow got 'interrogated'. cos they know nothing bout zk. like, zilch info. hahaha. din see a pt in bringing up zk at any pt in time, but they wanted to know so i just answered their qns. n they brought up ah fat's r/s. poor dude. he nv uttered a word bout her n the other guy. some things are better left unsaid i guess. just gave him a big big hug ydae. a hug to transfer all that moral support n courage. *hugs do wonders u know!* i know he'd be strong! she just aint taking him seriously. if she strayed, den she betta draw the line between r/s n flings very clearly. flings = no strings attached yea? no emotional attachment. i dun understand why some girls can take flings seriously. players vs players. he's probably bedded so many girls u cant count. so what if he's got the looks, the bod, the skills in bed? if u're dying for him, tonnes of girls out there are dying for him too. human nature is to yearn for what they cant get, the untouchables. ohwells. she missed out on a damn good guy there. im sure ah fat would find a better girl.
i nv knew so many ppl had flings n played arnd w r/s till i was in upper sec. n it seems like two timing is so common. its fun to have flings. cos there's the danger of being found out, n the danger is exactly what's thrilling. but to two time, its simply too troublesome to me. gotta hide so much, gotta act all day. i dun even have time for one bf, how do i spare time for 2? actually met a fling in town when i was w zk. but he was w a girl n i w a guy. so we naturally just exchanged glances as we walked past each other. ohh yea that girl looked so young. n when he smsed me after that, i found out she was only 18!! (oh fine im 18 too. wth.) he's into young small n cute girls lah. that reminds me, im turning 19 in two days. my last "teen" yr. yayys!!
tanning at safra yishun w weiren cos hui said there was no sun. true lah. but my pt is to slack. n since i've alr woken up, might as well get out of de house.
time time n time would tell
*[a lil princess thought at]*|08:55|
Friday, April 28, 2006
who can give me one fcuking good reason not to hate desmond? bloody hell pang sehed me after making me wait for his calls n smses for how many hours. im so freakin pissed off lah. THANK GOD WX CALLED!!! n he was in town w ruiz n she went off w her gfs. so he got abandoned n decided to find his fling partner, ME. hahaha. totally the right timing. cos i was fuming mad w desmond n i just wanted to get out of town. if i met desmond in town or smth i'd prob throw whatever's in my hand at him. okay. so wx just sent me back home to change, den go zhong's place later. i was pleading wx to send me home n wait for me to bathe n change n blog b4 i go out again. shagged eh. feels so good in big comfy tee n shorts. anw i love my darlings cos they abandoned pubbing to come acc us at zhong's place. unlike some edeot kor who ps me at the last min.
okay backtrack. i worked half day today, till arnd 145. n i came back to yishun, dropped my barangs, went for my Final Theory Test. I PASSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yayys! planned to meet the gang arnd 7 for dinner n den drinks, but ruiz wanted me at plaza sing to help her choose shirt for wx. so from yck i headed to plaza sing, just to help her choose 2 shirts for her darling wx, n she was gonna meet him at like 630!!! walao. den dear called n wanted to meet at 8 in town. n being the mcp him he insisted on getting his way. so i cancelled out on my gang, acted angel n helped ruiz w the shopping, bought hoops n lala for cindy n zhen, went all the way to raffles place to give them that cos i was in a good mood, n met zk at dhoby ghaut (AGAIN!) at arnd 7+. screwed up plans screwed up travelling. gosh. but shopping w dear was quite hilarious lah. he bought this huge "zao lor" bag from projectshop n its super chio! we went arnd wisma n taka looking at puma, lacoste, projectshop. ohh yes there's this nice top from projshop. its gonna be next on my list. bebe shorts too. fcuk tee as well. okay im gonna blast my next paycheck. after shopping n shopping we went to thai express *just for their red ruby*. n there was this popiah thing he ordered that was nice! ohh the red ruby sucks though. like seriously sucks. disappointment. i cant help but laugh when i think of dear eating the dumb popiah. childish eh! anw met his pals at wheelock sakae, n i finally saw rosabelle. the girl who waved at me on fri. now i recall who she is. left arnd 11 to meet kor, but plans changed again n now im heading to zhong's place. wx's still out there watching tv. tanning w hui tmr!! n more shopping w dear! i love his zao lor bag. its so huge it can possibly fit me. yikes.
*[a lil princess thought at]*|23:41|
a coooooold day at work. n i mean freezing cold. cindy zhen n i were all in short skirts n we basically shivered the whole day. yikes. but work ended on a nice note cos darling zk came to raffles place!! =) when i saw him, i knew i missed him real bad. i shant blog bout how dumb that boy is. hahaha. wanna lie also cannot lie convincingly.. but i dun mind it one bit.
shopped arnd n i realised i have a super limited range of colors for my lacoste polo to choose from. i nv bothered looking at the colors they offer, n now i realise the whole huge rack of assorted colors is for GUYS only. dear tried on this hot pink polo n i must say it looked damn gay. honestly, i think the gays would clamour all over him. not to mention how 'sexy' he looked in it. eeeeeks! bought a chio wallet for daddy!! n mommy thinks it looks super good too. i have good taste. n im sure daddy will love it as much as mommie n i. its gonna be accompanied w our family foto. =) crocodile has nice polos. contemplating to get one for weihan since he's been making noise for one since god knows when. i love that black Respect Me tube top from adidas. i love that surfbabe black button down top/dress which looks slack n sexy. gonna get that w my next pay. yepps!
shagged. its amazing how i can stand all day n not feel tired, but i sit all day n feel lethargic. final theory tmr. dil! pray VERY hard for me!!
brianna, thanks a million. sometimes when i lose faith in myself, i find hope in you. perhaps u din realise it, but i do garner alot of support from ur words. its amazing. all those wandering thoughts, all those uncertainty, im sure its all gone. it has nv felt so good to know that my heart's w someone like him. anw your baby's irritating lah! keep making noise over the fone. sorrie cant help u out tmr. once i finish my uob job i'll visit ya in holland v yarh? =) take care my dear! *hugggs* love ya!
*[a lil princess thought at]*|01:16|
Thursday, April 27, 2006
its daddy's bdae today!!! =) 48 this yr. n im so so glad i managed to talk to him today. heart to heart talk between pap n me is the best. i realised he's stricter w me these days cos he's been trying v hard to keep an eye on me as his business picks up. in the past, he'd just conc on his business, often seeing me once in half a yr or so. he doesnt want that to happen now, which is why he's kinda 'struggling' to balance work n family. he cant exactly keep an eye on me n what im doing, so he'd naturally try to keep me home most of the time. sounds dumb, but i understand his concerns. that's pap. he's always protecting me like im his princess. n yet he allows me to be independent. amazingly enough, he manages to do it. i love my papa. n i want him to be healthy. *wishes n prays*
theatre today was great!! attempted so many gao nan du actions w char n aladdin. all the hugging n lifting n kicking n jumping. amazing! nv knew we could achieve that sorta beauty. chio.
zk read my past entries n sent me an sms asking if my heart's w him. when i first saw that msg, my heart kinda ached. dun ask me why, i've absolutely no idea. like many of my frens, he has to find out bout my life thru my blog, not thru me. its not that i dun wanna share w him.. but i really dunno how to tell zk how i feel bout sy. im afraid zk would get upset. im afraid i put it across in sucha way it seems like i still love sy. im afraid zk doesnt know that he's the one i actually treasure n love now. im afraid of losing him. with all these fears in my face, n being the scaredy me, i withdraw.. n put it all in my blog. i cant share it w anyone, not even the closest frens...
perhaps i sound pretty lost in my previous entries. in fact im not. not the least bit. im sorry i even made zk's thoughts wander. ever since he entered my life, sy's been locked in memory. all the other guys, whoever they are or whatever they do, no longer matter to me. cos i know i've found zk, the one guy i wanna work things out w. that's more than enough. i love this baby. i love lim zhikai just the way he is.
*[a lil princess thought at]*|00:57|
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
just for brianna
hey darling! i love reading bout u n your boy cos its oh-so-sweet lah. hahaha. i reasoned to myself that my r/s w zk is just different. its not typical. probably cos the 2 of us are special in our own ways. 2 'abnormal' ppl tgt obviously make up an abnormal r/s. actually, i can be good if i want to. its whether i put in an effort or not. n i know its v selfish of me if i dun give zk the basic respect as my bf. so im trying to tone down alr. no more staying over at guys' place, no more crazy parties n all without someone to ensure my safety. odd enough, no matter what happens, what i hear or what i see, i'd believe zk's words eventually. good n bad. cos he can lie to me v easily, but it also means i trust him, n i have faith in him n myself. i may be uncertain, but giving up has nv crossed my mind. =) perhaps i DO have faith in that boy. very strong faith. just that i do not realise it. call me when u wanna collect next week's pay! im free every night n every weekend. *hugggs* i can feel your blessings for me n zk, n i can tell u im giving u double blessings for u n ur baby!!
resorted to typing that here cos i couldnt tag her. anw i love love love brianna. she's so dear, n i havent met her for ages. but we've got a date! a date to collect our paychecks from AD n aria tgt! =) i think i've so much to tell her i can talk to her thru the night. i bet she has tons to update me abt as well.
met hui for lunch again! n this time round we sat by the river eating sandwiches n drinking soya milk. its so nice having a fren who enjoys this sorta stuff like me. not everyone would acc me do that. =) had a small chat w her, but lunch hour's so short we cant share much. must meet her to chill after work.
dearie's staying in camp tonight. n im missing him alr. not a lil, quite alot. anw that crazy boy ran n walked 21km today!! to find some hot spring in tekong. omg, 21k leh.. its so crazy. 8 guys n him went on some hot spring search, n they found this small n dirty one. hahaha. i can only manage like 8k? i've no idea how they managed 21! stamina super zai...
dad kinda pissed me off today w his mcp ways again. i hate it when he decides everything n imposes it onto me. n NO im not gonna give in for my bdae. im going to settle my bdae w my frens n they'll plan whatsoever. he's not showing me any respect by making decisions for me, on my freakin birthday. n for god's sake, im 19. i dun mean to say im old enough to stand alone, but still, he better let me be independant n think for myself. even if i fall, i'll havta learn n pick myself up. since 16 its been this way, why the hell is he starting to control me again? its stifling. n i hate that feeling. seriously, i'd rather he not care so much. im gonna sit down n talk to him. i want my uni life to be my way. i make decisions for myself. i suffer consequences of wrong decisions, n i learn along the way. exactly the way my jc life was. everything is to be settled myself. n he has no say in my choices. im not looking forward to this yr's bday. so many impt ppl are missing, n now dad's doing crappy stuff to spoil my mood. im happy w my life the way it is now. everything's pretty smooth, i've got frens, zk, daddy mommie, n im happy w the way i am now. okay besides the fact that i gotta lose weight. hahaha. lost 2kg last week. yayys! i betta watch my diet for theatre.
i gave up the chance to be with someone i really love, cos i know fate would bring me back to him one day if we're meant to be. took the greatest courage to let go, and the pain is so immense it kills. but i forced myself to take it all in, stay strong, n let things be. i knew i couldnt go on acting as though nothing happened. so i'd rather we stay as frens now, at least i know i can meet him, know how he's doing. the right person at the wrong time just wont work. so i shall leave it to fate. if we're meant to be, nothing can tear us apart. time, distance, age.. all these are bullshit. when one loves, one doesnt fear. cos one finds courage in love. n with his love, i found the courage to let go and wait. whether or not the wait will be in vain, i'll let time decide. have u ever loved someone so much u felt u were giving him your ALL? that's how much i loved him. n im not taking it back. cos i know he's still special. in his own way. n he remains perfect in that spot in my heart. i dun wanna taint our r/s w the ugly quarrels, heartbreaks, tears. i want the memories as beautiful as it can be. geh siyuan. that one guy in my life. that ONE guy.
"take my photo off the wall
if it just wont sing for you
cos all that's left has gone away
and there's nothing there for you to prove"
he did make a fool of everyone. the greatest fool is probably me. the biggest idiot on earth i guess. but still, if i ever have a chance to tell him, i'd have to let him know. "i'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else....."
i've another darling now. someone i truly treasure cos he brightens my day like noone else does. like i told brianna, i dunno why i have faith in him. i've a nudging feeling we're similar. even in the way we view our past r/s. so perhaps, he's also waiting for fate to bring that 'someone' back to him. maybe we're just two ppl waiting for our loves, n our paths just crossed. miraculously got to know this other person who kinda knew what we've been thru, how each other felt. n we're just healing from our past wounds. i just have an impression that this is the case between zk n me. darling, if u happen to ever read this, correct me if im wrong. =)
| Your Five Variable Love Profile |
Propensity for Monogamy:
Your propensity for monogamy is medium.
In general, you prefer to have only one love interest.
But it's hard for you to stay devoted for too long!
There's too much eye candy to keep you from wandering.
Experience Level:
Your experience level is high.
You've loved, lost, and loved again.
You have had a wide range of love experiences.
And when the real thing comes along, you know it!
Dominance:
Your dominance is low.
This doesn't mean you're a doormat, just balanced.
You know a relationship is not about getting your way.
And you love to give your sweetie a lot of freedom.
Cynicism:
Your cynicism is medium.
You'd like to believe in true and everlasting love...
But you've definitely been burned enough to know better.
You're still an optimist, but you also are a realist.
Independence:
Your independence is high.
You don't need to be in love, and sometimes you don't even want love.
Having your own life is very important for you...
Even more important than having a relationship. |
*[a lil princess thought at]*|20:44|
i am so accident prone today. i dun even wanna count the number of cuts n bruises i sustained at work. got cut by paper, staples, cardboard boxes.. anything u can think of basically. now it hurts to wash my hands n apply my j&j. work was hectic today. the faxes kept coming in n we just had piles n piles to sort. zhen n i also had to do filing, n there was also twinnie extracting heaps of documents. we finally took a break at 5+, n all 3 of us needed COFFEE to sustain our energy. but to our horror, it made us super hyper n crazy. cracked lame jokes n entertained ourselves.. started laughing at the smallest things.. n we even came up w some lame crappy 'nut' joke. we were really going mad. seriously, the work got us all cranky. n twinnie n i are pro at self entertaining, so... imagine how noisy we were.
last fri, i was walking to the stn w zhen n cindy after work. n this girl walking the opp dirn came real near n waved n smiled at me. or rather, in my dirn. i couldnt register who she was, so i turned arnd n asked cindy n zhen if they knew her. n apparently they din even see a girl waving towards us! so they kept commenting that i saw things. haha.. in the end, that girl is zk's fren. n she recognised me. im pretty amazed at how 'recognisable' i am. isit cos im short? i have online frens who recognise me on the streets all the time. n zk's fren probably saw me... once? weird. but at least im assured i wasnt seeing things. n she was waving at ME n not some other person. hahaha. i was so bewildered when a stranger came up n smiled. i just smiled back cos it'd be rude n maluating for her if i ignored her. but i seriously had no idea who the hell she was waving to. just reacted for the sake of it.
went to union again! tonight was pretty quiet, but it was nice to chill n watch others dance, n i kept practising w ben. basically danced w him the whole night? he kinda taught me last lesson's move though. =) i think ying's right about him trying to get close. its obvious now. like straight in my face.
dad's not gonna be in town from 27th to 5th. what does that mean? he isnt gonna be arnd for my bday. feels kinda upsetting to hear that. cos every single yr, i'd spend my last min of my bday w daddy n mommy. no matter where i am, i'll be cinderella on my bdae, n i'd spend the last min w my family. n every single yr, there'd be a surprise in store. this yr will be an exception. i feel like a lil girl who's been let down. nahh, dad prob thinks im old enough n he isnt bothered anymore. im not planning anything for my bdae this yr. same old rule, first come first serve basis. hahaha. whoever books me first gets me. n im sure ying n hua are on my list alr. =) full time darlings.
diff scents remind me of diff ppl. hugo boss is sy's smell. n it smelt so good when this guy wearing boss fragrance sat next to me on the train. but it wasnt him. i didnt wish it was him though. i just hoped it was a comfortable shoulder i could lie on n rest after a long day of work n salsa. needed a huge huge hug to get rid of all that lethargy. but no one can give me that energy boost now.
seems like my heart's still elsewhere. feels like both zk n me are seeking comfort n solace in each other due to our past r/s. havent got that figured out. but im alr starting to miss him. n i dun even know why. i dun even know who he is to me deep inside. im weird.
*[a lil princess thought at]*|00:16|
Sunday, April 23, 2006
watched Take The Lead w dear today n the show wasnt as great as my frens put it to be! so many ppl overrated it lah. its okay, but i wont rate it fantastic. went NUM n he got his lifeguard tee.. the Japan one! chio!! =) n there was 1 cutie in NUM citylink. haha.. he offered me biscuits.. how weird. anw i met up w chris, harry, ying n hua at tp fiesta for dinner n it was ultra filling. i miss get-togethers like that. just the few good ppl.. just us. the few that have stuck arnd each other since sec sch. alr missing chris. =( field camp just means i wont see him for a longer period of time. n i wont see him on my bdae. sigh...
read brianna's blog, n i totally understand what she's trying to tell me. but i guess im just so used to enjoying life as a singleton i nv wanna let go of that sorta freedom, that sorta space.. hung out w anyone, everyone.. stayed over at anybody's place without considering about others' feelings. there were less considerations, much more space. i dunno why but i dun seem to take this whole r/s seriously. honestly, im acting the way im acting cos i dun care. if i bothered, i'd be as guai as i was in the past. but im not! subconciously, i simply do not care, n im simply not committed. bf commitment? r/s commitment? seems like none of those apply to me at this pt in time. am i just too tired to put in effort into another r/s?
*[a lil princess thought at]*|20:56|
"I cant forget the times we shared back then, the warmest hugs, the simple pecks on the cheek, the occasional sweet smses and the surprises you came up with. Popping up at my door with breakfast made from 6am, waking me up when I didnt even know you were at my place, the sweet smses though you hate to be mushy, the longest bus rides shared with the best company... Some things cant be replaced, neither can they be revived. You probably cant fathom why I love you so much and yet left you alone in Sg. It was disappointing to hear that you're already attached. But no, you aren't gonna see my tears. I want you to know that I'd be happy as long as you are, but I'm not gonna love you any lesser even though someone else has taken that space in your heart. I miss you terribly, but never found the courage to drop you a call. Things might have been different if I did, or perhaps I've hurt you so badly you wouldn't accept any apology. I'm sorry. You've grown and matured so much, and this new you only attracts me more. You seem even more beautiful than before, and I seriously hate myself for not treasuring you when I had you right by my side. Now that you're by someone else's side, I can only look in envy. I love you, much more than I ever did. I miss you, and I'll make sure you'll stay as happy as before."
the similarity between beer and love? they're both bittersweet. =)
i loved him. but that dated way back. memories may overwhelm me now but i know its only temporary. there was nothing we could grasp onto in the past, even now. we nv settled down into a solid r/s. but still, he's probably the one i shared the sweetest memories with. plain simple love was all i felt, and all i wanted to show to him. it didnt feel stupid to shower him w care n concern, it didnt feel wrong to make childish pressies for him, it didnt matter if he saw my ugliest side. maybe the memories are sweet cos they ended so abruptly. he basically disappeared from the face of my world. no quarrels, but loads of tears. tears shed at two different countries, staring at the same moon, hoping that the he was staring at the moon, missing me as much as i missed him. that was how it all ended. but its impossible to reignite that spark, to revive that love we had.
i dunno why zk is so... uptight about it. i dun even know if uptight's the word. sometimes i dun even know how to get my point across to him. he might be right about my frens, but maybe cos of that stubborn streak in me, there's this part of me that doesnt agree. i know kor isnt the best person to hang out with, but i know kor well enough n he isnt as bastardy or childish as zk thinks of him to be. i dont know. i dun bicker w zk, but neither do i understand him, and i wonder how much he understands me. im afraid this is one of those rebound r/s. perhaps for him as well. i dunno. i just feel so lost suddenly. thinking way too much..
*[a lil princess thought at]*|02:39|
forget bout all that unhappiness ydae. cos i spent the day w dear today!! =) sleepyhead me could actually wake up at 7am to wash up n go his place. woah. even i am amazed. cos i din sleep well at all last night. woke up every other hour checking n replying smses. went to his place, rested abit, den played dota w dan as dear continued sleeping. i was wide awake while playing, but after the 2nd game, i felt tired! so at 230, i decided to sleep. thot i would wake arnd 3. but ALAS! i didnt!!! totally overslept n woke at like, 350? there goes my salsa class. =( was so upset i missed it! so ended up playing mahjong w chris, harry, ryan n zk at chris' place. kinda sianed n shagged now. oh yes. i love this blog. check it out.
http://welovenuns.blogspot.com
*[a lil princess thought at]*|00:28|
Saturday, April 22, 2006
zhong's pressie for his gf is so sweet lah. ydae i was alr not feeling v well, but when he called n sounded as though he was gonna get a panic attack, i knew i HAD to go down n salvage his pressie. he used this thingie that looked like some mini fishbowl. n he did gel deco. he used TONS of gel. n the details in there were just fab. could see how much effort he was putting in. a v lucky gf he has there! struggled to help him for about an hour, den i totally knocked out on his sofa. fever flu n cough makes u real sleepy. his med was really good though. i was msging dear b4 that, bout me going to a fren's place. n till much much later, i din get any reply. thot he was just busy in aria or smth. by the time he returned a call, i was kinda like 'resuscitating' the pressie? gel all over the place? n the next call he returned was when i was asleep. n he kinda raised his voice bout me being sick n yet staying over at another guy's place. but my couzy was alr on his way to send me home. i know its like im troubling alot of ppl, but i just rushed out when zhong called for help, din think of anything else. i understand dear's prob worried, tt's y the raised voice n all, but still, when i was sick n tired n lying on the sofa, it felt quite harsh. to him, im not bothered to spend more time w him. but he doesnt realise i cancelled out on 3 frens, not even knowing if im gonna be spending my sat w him. he din reply n i couldnt confirm anything, but i cancelled out on my frens anw. not sending kenny off, not celebrating cd's bdae, not meeting kor's fren. was a lil annoyed tt i din get any replies, n when i did, he actually said i din sound keen in accompanying him. it hurt to hear that. tears trickled down after i hung up. but i know dear doesnt see things from my perspective at tt pt in time, so it isnt exactly his fault. finally got sent home, n slept at about 2+. n woke at 7, here i am at his place. baby's sound asleep. =) i really hope i've 'grown up' like brianna says. but of cos i still have loads to learn. i just wanna be more sensible than i was b4. honestly, it was a tremendous feat for sy to tahan me for close to 2 yrs. being that irritable childish lil girl who demanded so much. hahaha.
*[a lil princess thought at]*|10:59|
Friday, April 21, 2006
first day of work at UOB! =) it was relatively easy, just paperwork n filing, loads of milo n coffee (cos its free flow), n shivering inside the chilly office. my eyes got so dry it hurt n teared v badly, n i've just removed my contacts, n i cant stop crying. but i love the fact that im working w zhen n cindy. nv feels alien or bored w them arnd. n aunty sharon (she's the one who gives us stuff to do) is super nice. v patient lady. n she kinda treats us as lil kids. prob cos her son's our age too! =) that was about all for work. hahaha. we started slacking arnd 5+ cos we ran out of things to do.
anw zhen went for kickboxing, n twinnie n i went to marina sq. bought zk dinner n den got dinner at billy bombers! obviously went for milkshake. duhhhs~ i was super high n super shagged at the same time. i guess its cos i stared at names n numbers for the whole day. so after dinner, i sent twinnie back, den walked all the way back to aria. was feeling lethargic alr, but somehow dragged myself to aria. okay fine i admit i wanted to see him. slacked arnd, helped out a tiny weeny bit, n left at 10+. i swear i felt like dying on my way home. no idea where all that weariness came from. omg. n there was this drunk guy standing next to me i could smell the alcohol off his shirt. i was soooooo scared. not to mention that he was freakin close cos it was v packed. yucks. hated that stench. met kenny in yishun, he's leaving tmr afternoon. n i cant send him off. so yea, its gonna be my last time meeting him till a long long time later. i'll definitely miss him.
im still crying. argh! its irritating. im gonna rest for awhile b4 i head out again. in specs this time.
*[a lil princess thought at]*|23:59|
Thursday, April 20, 2006
the band twinnie gave me. =)
ARIA! i went back to aria today!! =) n i worked there again. hahaha. cos leonard needed staff for a 40pax lunch event today. so twinnie n i were there working. poor twinnie was stressed out, but everything went alright lah. no worries~ it was messy cos they wanted presentation to go on as we served n cleared their food, so there'd definitely be obstruction n all that. we'd block the view of some n we'd probably even irritate some. oh well, the organiser wanted it that way. overall, things were okay lah. had bk lunch w leonard, fiza, gen n cindy. den bitched arnd w gen, fiza n cindy b4 we left. twinnie n i walked arnd marina sq n ended up at azubo sabo!!! =D cold ramen in sesame paste sauce was fabulous!!!! n our ice cream was super creamy.
dear called just when the dessert was served. n i was just missing him like, a sec ago. but he called to tell me some bad news. about him being charged, n about the punishment. n i was eating the cold cold icecream, but somehow as he talked bout his stuffs, i just felt ultra ultra sad. n yes, i started tearing. but im pro at swallowing down tears now. n i din want dear to hear me that way over the phone. so just kept it in n tried changing topic. but for that moment, i could feel my heart sink. literally feel it. sigh. still hoping that he will be able to lighten the punishment. cos i really dun wanna see dear in db. his mommie n frens definitely feel the same way. whatever it is, i believe dear will be strong. really miss him to bits now. no idea why this feeling just kinda surges within. feeling sick n sad at the same time really sucks. rahhhhhhs!!!!!
*[a lil princess thought at]*|21:27|
kenny's back. hahaha. not kenny southpark. kenny who went US. he's back. =) just for 3 days though. cant believe my dumb frens planned a surprise for both of us, cos they knew what he was thinking. but im sorry my darlings, my heart's elsewhere. what happened between us years back is already history!! that's like omg omg omg long ago. he's still as charming as ever. but too bad we din work out. not fated lah. so up till now, still not fated.
dear's sick. =( n i was so caught up w my stuffs i neglected him. sigh. double sigh. really wish i can be there to give him a hug n tuck him into bed. somehow i treat him like a kid. though i know he's much more matured n much older than i am. sorry dear. not showering u w the tlc u need. but i am v concerned bout ya. n im v worried bout u falling sick n all. must take care of yourself k? pls?? missing u v much for no reason now. feeling like crap. feverish. =(
*[a lil princess thought at]*|00:04|
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
though i only met dear for half an hr ydae, it felt v good to see him again. its just an mrt ride from pasir ris to city hall, but the company made it all worthwhile. =) missing him a lil more these days. maybe cos we're both busier w our own activities. but in any case, his occasional smses are good enough. im not one who says mushy stuffs or send sweet msges, so i wonder why he'd say that some smses i sent are 'sweet'. well, his smses can make me smile anytime. my tyrant can be nice at times. hahaha. my ring has been abducted by him!!! ='( the ring lester bought me from hk for vdae gift! hmph. n i lost to him in 5-10. im so gonna get it back. my hand feels uneasy without smth on my left mid finger!! horrible pig abducted my ring n tortured my mouse. TYRANT!
read timothy's blog n linked it to this blog of 2 gays. two 17 yr olds disclosing their r/s, showing their affection n all on a blog. im proud of their courage. maybe they're still young, n this might not be 'sensible' to some, but to me they have the freedom of expression. okay all the 'loves' n 'hugs' n 'kisses' in the blog kinda er xin, cos abit overused, but i basically can see them just like any young couple in love lah. when i was 17 n truly in love, that was probably the sorta 'butterflies in my stomach' kinda feeling. there are so many lesbian or gay partners out there, n i dun think they are as stigmatised as in the past alr. i still rmr the party held in AD quite long ago, tons of gays. (n omg there were ultra fit lads k!) parties for homosexuals are so common nowadays. i've always wanted to enter one n see what its like. back to colin n kero, just hope they stay strong tgt. =) no qualms it might just be a teenage passing phase or whatsoever, but they shd enjoy themselves tgt as it is now. their blog really reminds me of lil kids in love for the first time. tian zhen chun pu de ai zhi you na shi hou neng gou yong you, bu shi ma?
*[a lil princess thought at]*|12:31|
met twinnie for lunch! at ramen ten. cos beloved dil made me crave for ramen lah. n she fell sick so couldnt meet up for shopping date. in the end walked arnd a rainy amk w twinnie all afternoon, den met dear n went marina sq to meet yifang. (she's weixiang's gf btw. we were finding a pressie for wx.) n den headed down to tanjong pagar to meet latifah, widah, vendela, ying for dinner @ subway. ben joined us n we went up to union sq! at first it was still quiet, n it was like any regular pub. groups of working adults gathering arnd for drinks. but at 9pm, live salsa music started playing!!! it was solid i tell ya. tracy, janice, shirley, alan, fi, nasri were all there. in fact there were so many familiar faces. but to my horror, my first dance of the night was w a super zai guy i din know. he was good, n it must've been traumatic leading me. hahahaha. but he was super nice n gentlemanly, teaching me as we danced. n there was another pro guy i danced w who did a move n he ended up hugging me from behind. n he actually said i smelt good. felt a lil uncomfy when he said that. but its just plain dancing. no hidden agenda. =) alan leads well too! he's super confident n it feels so safe to dance w him. dancing w strangers aint that intimidating. just takes a lil courage n just let the guy lead u the way he wants to. its nice even sitting at the side watching others dance. this is gonna be my weekly tuesday party. hahaha. its so much more fun than clubbing, so much cheaper, n so much safer. met adrian, an ex-ADS (attitude dance studio) student like many of us. n he headed on to TLF (two left feet) for salsa. he has this fren who's super pro n super duper cute. BOTH ying n i agreed he's cute k! so he must be very cute. its our aim to dance salsa well n dance w him one day. im feeling more confident bout double spins now!! yayyyys! =)
*[a lil princess thought at]*|01:05|
Monday, April 17, 2006
moriji makes me happieee!
met up w class girls ydae! cos xiaowei is leaving for US on thurs!!! =( im gonna miss her. she's always been sucha darling in class. hahaha. n of cos she's always stuck to her bf in school. anw, some snapshots to rmr her! =)
santi n xiaowei
xiaowei n me
xiaowei qianjun n ah jie!
n i gotta whine. whine bout my super kaypo classmates!!! dil actually screamed that my bf was working in aria n all of them happily chiong-ed to aria. n i was the only one that got onto the escalator. fought w dil n pulled her along but ah jie helped her. =( so obviously i got bullied. had to call gen to ask zk to hide somewhere. i was really super maluated lah. i was so so so so paiseh. i've never felt so paiseh in my life. n leonard was asking me why i brought a group of young girls to stand there at the door to look for kiki (that's their name for him anw). *faints* walao i really could have died there. how i wish i could dig a hole n bury myself there. urgh! had to plead them to leave, saying zk wasnt there anymore. wth lahh. im still super embarrassed over the whole incident. dil is so gonna get killed.
i like my dear. just the way he is. 'confessed' to him ydae bout clubbing the other night. n of cos he wasnt v happy about what happened. but still he condoned my actions. i dun think he shd condone all my actions based on the fact that im young n im fun loving. having fun n going overboard are 2 diff issues. n by playing the guilt trick on me he knows it'd work way better than quarrelling. cos i felt damn upset the morning i woke up n realised i made dear worried. felt really really bad. i hate it when i act childish n have others worrying about me. that includes dear. i love the talk i had w zk ydae. cos i feel so much better after talking to him. suddenly feel much safer. my floaty heart kinda settled down. =) like he says, i still have alot to learn. i know i do. more often than not, i treat him like a big bro. for a moment ydae, he cleared my mind of all those insecurities. im counting myself lucky to have a darling like him.
also asked him bout relationships surviving bmt period. actually, girls dunnid much in a r/s rite? assurance, some tlc, n basically feeling that we are impt to our guy. that's all isnt it? basic trust n commitment. its easier for me to say cos im not dating a guy going thru bmt. zk says its cos girls take advantage of the freedom n priviledge, so we tend to get carried away having fun out there, when our bfs are confined in camp. i dun think most girls my age go crazy flirting n picking up guys out there yarh? at least i think its scary. especially when ppl out there are older than me, seen much more of the world than me. i thot it'd be natural for any girl to be afraid to get cheated. we're jc grads, young n naive, havent seen much of the working world out there. we step into the working society, meet older ppl, see all that ugly backstabbing or lovely colleagues. its smth new, smth interesting. but still, there's that factor of uncertainty. i've always knew it was very very ez for guys to cheat me. esp if they're a few yrs older than me, had tonnes of gf b4. arent all girls quite scared when it comes to older guys? or isit only me? some girls might get carried away having fun w their colleagues n frens n neglect their bf in camp, but similarly, guys shd reflect n see if they're treating their gfs right. probably not enough care shown? or simply no time to spend w her? she has her frens n colleagues out there to accompany her, so if she's in safe hands, the bf shd be glad yarh? dun expect too much of each other. step back n give each other more space to breathe. love is about compromising. even without the bf's physical presence watching over the girl, she shd love him enough to stay faithful. it takes trust from both parties.
*[a lil princess thought at]*|20:40|
Saturday, April 15, 2006
two days ago, went clubbing w chris, hua, harry n daniel. zouk phuture. music, dj, ambience all not bad. but felt kinda sianed cos harry n hua din dance. passed chris the cap i bought him. hahaha. he looks weird bald! anw, i seriously think i look better in the cap compared to him. rite rite rite???
ydae went clubbing w kor n his group of frens at mos. n they were hell. serious shitty hell. chivas killed me. apricot brandy n long island tea n my fave vodka got me all drunk. there were 12 of us, only 3 girls, n we had close to 60 tequila shots. how crazy is that. till now 7's my max. i refuse to go any further than that. esp when i've alr had quite abit to drink. but 7 tequila shots got me groggy n sleepy at just 230. hahahah. thank god kor downed the other drinks n shots for me. i love shooters eh. i think they're total pussy drinks. for the char bos. ohh yea it was freakin high clubbing w kor's frens cos they were all funky characters. all out for fun. cool shit. i only knew kor n 2 other guys, but in the end we partied like nobody's business n almost all of us were half gone. hahahah. the other 2 girls had their bfs taking care of them, n for me, of cos kor! =) hmm, smoove definitely doesnt beat phuture music, but the crowd at mos is much more fun. but still, zouk crowd has more character. depends on what u're looking for when u club lah. want cute guys? go to MOS. hahaha. zouk guys cmi. either gay or uncle or short. i only spotted 2 cute guys in zouk, but like 7 in mos. n mos ppl are "friendlier". if u get what i mean. ;) i was escorted home by kor, andrew n weiren. weiren was complaining to me this morning cos he had a hangover. n apparently he half carried me home. walao. first day i know him n he sees me semi high. great 1st impression huh? hahahah. he said he can only recall how i look on the dancefloor though. cos after that he was also semi high. loads of rubbishy crap ydae.
but the really crap part was how i made dear worried. my fone was in may's bag all night. n we were just having fun drinking n dancing i forgot to check my fone. by the time i checked i had like 5 or 6 missed calls? n dear smsed asking where i was n all. by that time i alr drank quite abit. not too sure what i typed too. but i managed to reply in understandable sentences. n den again we drank n drank n danced n danced i left my fone aside. n i fell asleep on someone's shoulder. dun even ask me who. i just mumbled that i was tired n i slept. slept for about 10 mins n woke up to realise more missed calls n smses. n dear was pissed alr. cos he was still up n he was worrying bout my safety. i understand that he doesnt trust me being w kor that much. n he din know that i was going w so many guys. honestly, isit safer or more dangerous w more guys arnd? after weiren dragged me home he still had to watch me wash up b4 he felt that it was safe to leave me. n i told zk i'd sms him after i washed up, but i immediately ko-ed when i hit the bed!!! sigh. i hate it when i make ppl worry. esp if its someone i love n treasure. im so sorry baby. if mommy saw me ydae night she'd have been worried too. i shd have taken better care of myself. i din get drop-dead drunk, but ydae wasnt that nice. if kor wasnt there, me being in my semi high state might just commit a mistake. a mistake i'd regret like crap. i alr have stuffs to confess to dear. =( im way too playful.
thank gawd i din have a hangover today. cos i woke early to help mom w bbq stuffs. there was like this last min bbq my dad organised? wth lah. n it was a mega rush to prepare all those foodstuffs. but the bbq was at seletar! the mega nice chillout place. if any of my close pal drives, im so gonna make him/her drive a group of us there, slack n chill to the seabreeze. shiok can! check out mr tortoise. he's been captured for entertainment purposes. but we're gonna release him tmr. =)
*[a lil princess thought at]*|23:31|
Thursday, April 13, 2006
mos smoove will be so so so packed tonight. w recruits n despo kias n all. sob. n zk keeps telling me smoove music isnt nice. sob sob. sian ehh. anw spent the day at his place, slacking n playing dota again. n helping beloved dan install his hamachi. super screwed up thing. hahaha. im so shagged i dun wanna drag my ass out to yongqiang kor's bdae bbq. n desmond is just at 925. so near yet so far lah! havent seen him for so long. i bet he has a ton to update me abt. edeot kor. like wth lah. a kor that i see once in a blue moon? -_-" havent decided phuture or smoove tonight. blahhhhs.
*[a lil princess thought at]*|17:36|
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
woke up for a run arnd yishun, yoga, n now heading for theatre (wch basically means more yoga). i've no idea how im gonna wake up tmr. anw baby's sick. (or so i think?) i cant exactly recall what we said in the conversation at 8+am. n considering how i sleeptalk, dun think he registered what i said too. but i saw received calls list showing dan's no n his no. n i've absolutely no idea what i said to dan. but to baby i think he said he was sick. n he isnt replying! sobs. prob still in bed.
anw brianna's baby is cute lah! i showed zk his pic b4 n i said he looks not bad, n zk din agree. but ydae he called me from aria n said "ehh brianna's bf quite cute leh!". duhhh~ my taste not that horrid k! hahaha. even leonard thinks nic's cute. brianna, dun let him read this or he'll be floating sky high again. n zk also told me bout this cute girl in harry's now. why are all the eye candies appearing after i leave? sian. n i so so so wanna meet up w brianna. =(
received a msg from na last night. pretty late. n it wasnt good news. hoping to meet up w her for dinner soon. i seriously dunno what's going on. n to think that hua n i were so happy for darling na. if na's reading this, girl u know de no to dial to get me there to u in minutes. im trusting that u're fine. i know u're strong. =) update me agn when we meet. *hugggs*
*[a lil princess thought at]*|13:27|
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
spent the day packing room n sleeping. n now dan is at my place slacking away w me. yupps in my horribly messy sty. i even forgot my meals cos i was packing my room. wth. so i grew really hungry at arnd 7+. dan is complaining bout someone smoking her life away. i guess smokers shd know how bad it is for health lah. they'll get lung cancer, smoker's breath, yellow teeth, n die early. walao why do ppl still smoke huh? places like cine n all are like smoking chamber lah. even shisha is betta than smoking cigarettes. cant believe daddy offered me a stick some time ago. n his rationale was that i've been a 2nd hand smoker for 19 yrs, whether or not i smoke doesnt matter alr. wth. rubbish theory. but i dun think i'll ever touch cigarettes considering how much i hate the smell of it. yikes.
i miss dear. havent seen him for only 2 days lah. its weird. im sometimes so comfy w him, n yet at times i feel not so comfy w him. n he can tell what's on my mind even if i dun spell it out. weirdass. okie i shall blog more later. =)
*[a lil princess thought at]*|23:41|
Monday, April 10, 2006
headed back to AD to collect my paycheck ydae. n i realised AD is so unfamiliar now. i recognised eric, kamel n venessa, but that's about all. it feels so alien. n the whole place is not like the way it used to be. well, their turnover rates are so super high it isnt surprising at all. but it did feel weird gg back there. just took the paycheck n left. went to aria n dear was working! =) cant believe dear's going MOS on thurs too. how coincidental. n i just felt weird cos i wouldnt want him to see me dancing w another guy? n i wonder if i'd be affected if i see him dancing w some cute girl? hahaha. the best is if we dun club at the same place yarh? we're going w diff grp of frens anw. well we'll see how it goes. most prob all of us will be in MOS, separately. miss leonard n gen to bits lah. talked to leonard a lil bout his studies n all, n slacked arnd till dan came. had dinner n game n headed home. n watched match w the beng bunch. walao man u arsenal match was a 2-0. WTHHHHH. the bengs went for supper n i just headed to bed.
met twinnie today!! n we went to IKEA! =) n i met an unexpected person there. eric oh! havent seen him for so long. n even he knows im not working anymore. he's a nice guy. miss talking to him actually. anw we went to ikea n took stupid pics. their stuffed toys are way way way too cute. irrisistable!
who can miss the spanish meatballs of ikea?
beloved twinnie
twinnie's stressed.. she really is.
my lovely sister
i simply love this sheeeeeeep!!!! *hugggs*
n after that i met darling hua for shopping n dinner! =) just in case u guys dun rmr her face....
*[a lil princess thought at]*|23:02|
Sunday, April 09, 2006
*yawns*
ydae was sucha long day. headed out for lunch w mommy, n had to rush down for salsa class. it din help tt it was pouring in yishun. so i got to salsa barely on time. ben was so sacarstic. i was smsing him b4 salsa n he kept telling me not to be late. n when i was dancing w him he was like "woah u're very ON TIME huh?" n we were saying the class might be v small cos quite a few beg2 ppl dropped out, so there'd be v few guys in the class. but wala!! there was a class of about 15 ppl!! including adrian n other guys from Rueda or Advanced. im so sick of spinning n twirling. did that on wed, trying 480deg spin in the air for theatre, n now 360deg spin on the ground for salsa. wassup w all the spinning? okay anw after salsa, ben n i headed down to town cos he was meeting his frens n i was meeting dan. ben is a amusing fella. n i just realised he's in bmt logistics, which means he is in tekong too! everyone's in tekong. n apparently he said he's ultra slack n he swims n goes gym very very often. n of cos the first person i thot of was zk but i din say a thing. hahaha. after i parted w ben he headed towards taka, n i met dan in heeren.
HUGE rite?
went for billy bombers n timothy saw me there! tiny world. dan n i were having fun making stupid bets. there was a waitress who i thot was not bad (but on 2nd thot she doesnt look v chio lah). n i mentioned that she is probably our age. dan insisted she's older, at least 20+. so we decided to ask her. dan even said that if she was 16 he'd jump down from the railing next to us. wahahahah. too bad that girl wasnt! she gave that ultra queer look when i asked her for her age. hope i din shock her! anw she's 18!!!! tadahhh~ stupid dan has lousy deduction skills lah. he was commenting how some guys downstairs were hanging arnd n they were definitely waiting for girls. n in the end those 5 guys met up w more guys. retarded rite. daniel is so super lousy. ohh yes i met ben again! he came into billy bombers just as we were about to leave! n we slacked arnd n went for........ DOTA~!!! that crazy dude actually asked ME to teach him dota. like hello~ im lousy. n if i teach him, he'd be lousier! oh well that was 2 retarded ppl heading to cine lvl 9 for dota. its hilarious being w dan lah. he's so blur yet so cute. n he does STUPID things in dota. seriously dumb things. i laughed so hard i couldnt play lah. but he learns pretty fast. keep backstabbing me. edeot. n while we were playing i received a msg n ben was there! he just appears everywhere i go. how scary! as if he's stalking me or smth! anw after the horrifying hour of dota i managed to buy a chio cap for chris! =D its super chio! ohh yes the shop assistant was super chio too. dan was bioing her all the way lah. edeot him. all out for chiobus. it was 10+ so i decided to head back, wanted to come home n acc mommy, but i ended up at wx's place. wx, zs, ah fat, frankie n i decided to blade to seletar for fun. so off we went to seletar. n to my HORROR, daddy was there w his frens for the bbq. the bbq that i refused to go to cos i was lazy. n obviously daddy made them drink. they cant drink for nuts lah. n it was hard liquor for goodness gracious sake. i dun want them to get drunk n leave me to blade back ALONE!! so in the end i had to down 2 cups for them. stank like shit. yucks. cordon bleu sucks. den i just dragged my darlings away from all the horrible uncles who made us drink. cos i wanted to go home n play dota w dear! hahaha. took the short route home, showered, n i was dota-ing again. this time round w dear. =) played till 330 n slept at 4. woah. shagggggged. =x
woke up this morning n packed my room again. found some really nice stuffs. hahaha. dil do u rmr this??
*[a lil princess thought at]*|14:09|
Friday, April 07, 2006
havent blogged for a few days. cos i was busy w chris dear!! that darling is in TEKONG now. hahaha. the oh-so-dreaded tekong. n he msged me to tell me he's bald alr. well he can wait n buff himself up b4 he goes clubbing w us n picks up all the girls. leave the guys to ying, hua n me. we take diff types of guys anw. =) perfect.
nice rite! so many mags, tv, n nice cupboards. mind u this is a hosp room. chio chio room of gleneagles. omg the suite looks even chioer. there's even a bathtub in the suite washroom. daddy was admitted to gleneagles for a day to have his liver tissues taken for lab tests. n it was only on wed that i found out how much daddy smoked per day. i know he smokes alot but i nv expected it to be SO MUCH. he smokes a freakin 60 sticks per day!!! he's so so so gonna get health probs lah. its not like he's young. n he still doesnt wanna cut down on drinking n smoking. =( i dun want daddy to be sickly. but he doesnt wanna take care of himself. sigh. hope the test results will wake him up.
ydae was spent playing pool w dan. sorry twinnie, he msged u but u din reply, so we went ahead to ssc n played alr. cos i had dinner date w family. we'll play tgt another time k? anw zk came over to ssc n told me some not v good news. just hope things will settle down quickly n dear can go for his trips n enjoy his bday. really no idea why his master is so evil. purposely tekan him. just keeping my fingers crossed for him. anw i lost a bet to zk in pool AGAIN. why is he so zai when it comes to bets huh? so horrid. headed back after pool, cos i had family dinner. n i had nice western dinner at Buckeroo! its my fave western rest off sembawang park. its super super good! =)
woke at 8+ today n went to thomson to meet chris. went post office, thomson plaza, den to his place. he's so super blur lah. keep misplacing his stuffs. but now i have smth to look forward to!! ying n hua, if u guys are reading this, we're gonna whip up a meal for that baldie on friday k? he doesnt mind dying of our "wonderful" culinary skills so we shall just go to his place n cook. cos supposedly nobody's gonna be home that day. yayys!! im so excited bout fri!
after leaving chris' place i met up w dan. went ngee ann w him to submit smth, n grabbed lunch w him as well. ngee ann's all the way in bkt timah, n i actually headed to pasir ris to meet dear after that. its like all over singapore lah. -_-" cant believe i travelled all the way to pasir ris 3 times this wk. he owes me alot lah! keep asking me to travel down. at least i get to see him n play dota! hahaha. so obviously the night was of dota n more dota. n i came home for even more dota w him n his sis. i think his sis is quite cute lah. she's v zai in dota though.
besides pals who read my blog, i dun let others know im in a r/s. n i dun wish to let them know. just not comfy w the idea yet. its just... weird? but of cos i like this darling v much. just that i aint that confident bout myself, bout this whole r/s. i'll reveal it when i think its right. n now isnt the time.
*[a lil princess thought at]*|22:43|
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
really hope today's not gonna be the last time im meeting chris for a meal b4 he enlists. but come to think of it, i dunno when else he'd be free. he's enlisting on FRIDAY!!! ='( he's currently hooked onto Oblivion. some rpg game. after lunching w him in bishan, met dear at pasir ris. passed him his notes n nano, went to his place for games, n heard some terrible news from dan. things arent going v right for him now. i can give him all the support i can afford, but i really cant help much. but i know how it feels like to be in his posn. i was there once. just hope he'll be able to pull thru.
*[a lil princess thought at]*|23:34|
kinda forgot that baby sometimes reads my blog. n we kinda talked bout "us". i always felt it was weird talking bout us as an entity. i realised there were quite some stuffs that he has told me about, but i simply din store them into my memory. there were also some answers which made me much more relieved. like i told him, i've stopped asking questions since so long ago. cos i kept getting disappointing answers. so i kinda lost courage to find answers for myself, as much as i needed to. it just became a habit of not asking, not knowing, not wanting to know. for the longest time ever, i got an answer which wasnt hurting. i was so relieved i felt tears in my eyes. cos i knew it might be the end if the answer was otherwise. i was scared, so scared i'd really lose zk. just like how ppl misunderstand me, i guess i shd understand why ppl would not know issues bout him. i wouldnt regret knowing this darling of mine, neither would i regret what i went thru w him. i dun wanna think so far, i just want him by my side for now. in fact, i miss him terribly. dear's alr asleep. was supposed to meet him to pass him his notes, but smth happened n he had to go back to camp. poor thing. n poor me made a wasted trip to pasir ris. omg. if only if his camp was like in khatib or smth. hahaha. it'd be so convenient lah!
i really like this baby of mine. =)
*[a lil princess thought at]*|00:19|
Sunday, April 02, 2006
met up w hui to tan this afternoon. the sun wasnt strong so din really get much of a tan, but the steam bath was super shiok. felt so refreshed after sweating it out. came back n met mom for dinner, den did an hr of stretching n yoga n watched campus superstar. hahaha. havent caught ANY of the previous episodes of this superstar thing. but now the top two are from TKGS n HCJC. seriously i think the tkgs girl is pretty, n the hc guy sings better. whoever wins its not bad. okay back to the afternoon, i was chatting abit w hui. n she asked me if i saw myself going far w zk. surprisingly enough, i nv thot i'd go far w zk. till now, i dun see how far we can go. still having the mentality of 'taking a step at a time'. i dun like to compare past relationships with the present. but i realised how much i've changed since half a yr back. i used to question alot, feel insecure n uneasy, demanded answers n wanted to know where i was heading with sy. i would give up when the future looked bleak. n what now? im in a r/s with zk, not knowing anything bout his past, anything bout his future, or our future. but im not insecure, not the least bit. to think that i dun even question, i dun even ask. i've always wanted to ask bout the previous girl, cos it felt weird when some found out bout our r/s n went "isnt he attached!?!?". honestly, i dunno much. n i dont even know whether or not to ask. would ignorance be better? have i plunged into smth so quickly i dunno what im in for? that's me. forever so naive n indecisive. cant read n make up my own mind. oh well, he'd tell me if he thinks i ought to know. im afraid to ask n get answers i dun wish to hear. for hui, brace yourself yea? heard bout the story of the dog chasing its tail? maybe letting go a little, taking things a little easier would be better. what's meant to be will be. *hugggs* im looking forward to more tanning n steam bath sessions w ya! must listen to more of your stories. =)
fell asleep at xiang's place ydae. was just chatting till i dozed off. sorry dude! n i took his bed from 1 till 3+. hahaha. only left arnd 3+ or 4. came home n dozed off again. blahhhs. at 6am i woke up cos zk called, cant even rmr what i told him. guess i was sleeptalking. n slept all the way till 12 today. im sucha pig!
*[a lil princess thought at]*|22:28|
Saturday, April 01, 2006
i'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else
i'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself
i'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart
i'd rather have the one who holds my heart
yupps. i'd rather have the one who holds my heart. ydae wasnt a good night at all. thoughts kept running thru my mind, tears flowed whenever i saw those pieces of memories. but like zk said, those are memories. it aches to see a perfect love torn like that. but if im to listen to my heart, i know its no longer with him. whether or not my heart's safe with this new person, im not sure. but im willing to risk it. for just a simple reason, he makes me feel comfortable n secure. n for the first time, he was the one i wanted to run to when i felt down. but he was out w his frens, so i din call him. only talked to him later at night. n we played dota against chris. hahaha. chris can thrash us w any hero. but its okay. i aint despaired! still gonna cont playing. was distracted during the game n dear asked if i was alright. well, he has an amazing ability of making me feel better. =) seeing him felt so nice. just wanted him to be there. n im certain i aint finding any substitute for that empty slot in my heart. cos zk takes up another slot. he's a totally diff person n i'd be dumb to take him as a substitute for sy. i wanna stay in his embrace. it just feels so safe to be in there. tears welled up but i din want him to see it. n i know zk's possibly the only person who can make me feel this way now, when my feelings n all are so shitty n messy. that's why he's my darling. *hugggs*
oh my i graduated from salsa beg2!!! =D anyone keen to join exotic w me? sounds like cool stuff. hiphop or club dance w hui n irene at ymca. yayys im gonna dump close to $300 per month on dance classes. n im losing my income since i cant work anymore. shitty crap. freak lah they're gonna start complaining that im overspending n i'll find another part time job. ohh yes did i mention that i met charlotte n lingyi at city hall ydae? n while i was talking to them leonard n gen walked past! n den i met my cute jnr, janice, at cine. i even met joyce! joyce tan from 303/403!! met her at smu w another girl from cj whom i recognised. hahaha. the world's tiny. i miss all my darling pals. n hejia, marcus n chris are enlisting. =( these 3 buggers who entertain me full time are going NS!!!! sob. sulk. pouts. now who am i supposed to bug when im bored!?
*[a lil princess thought at]*|18:27|
found a tonne of stuffs that reminded me of sy. vday pressies, the bus stub hearts he folded for me, the letters, even the notes from my gfs mentioned him. it once felt as though we'd be together forever. everything was so pretty once. but like fireworks, the sparks died off. nobody would have wished for an ending like that, but i believe in destiny, n he just isnt the one for me. in my naive mind i thot things could still go on, always hoping for a miracle to happen. even after we broke up, i still hoped for a miracle. im afraid to lose someone i love again. i dont want the hug to be the last hug. i dont want goodbye kisses. i dont want empty promises. n i dont dare dream of fairytale romances. when i think of sy, i cant help but think of this song. i love those lines in the chorus. "when you left i lost a part of me". "who's gonna take your place, there aint nobody better". =) when i said sy was my soulmate i wasnt kidding. sounds like too strong a word to use, but he was there. i nv allowed anyone to get that close to me. n after him, im afraid i wouldnt dare let anyone get that close anymore. fear engulfs me when a person knows me too well. those letters said so much. just cried reading them, looking thru those evidences that we once loved. knowing we once belonged together.
*********************************
We Belong Together - Mariah Carey
I didn't mean it when I said
I didn't love you so
I should have held on tight
I never should have let you go
I didn't know nothing,
I was stupid, I was foolish
I was lying to myself
I couldn't have fathomed
I would ever be without your love
Never imagined I'd be sitting
Here beside myself
Guess I didn't know you
Guess I didn't know me
But I thought I knew everything
I never felt
The feeling that I'm feeling
Now that I don't hear your voice
Or have your touch and kiss your lips
Cause I don't have a choice
Oh what I wouldn't give
To have you lying by my side
Right here cause baby
When you left I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby please cause
We belong together
Who else am I gonna lean on when times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me on the phone
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
There ain't nobody better
Oh baby baby
We belong together
I can't sleep at night
When you are on my mind
Bobby Womack's on the radio
Singing to me "If You Think You're Lonely Now"
Wait a minute this is too deep
I gotta change the station
So I turn the dial tryin to catch a break
And then I hear Babyface
"I Only Think Of You" and it's breakin my heart
I'm tryin to keep it together but I'm falling apart
I'm feeling all out of my element
Throwing things, crying tryin
To figure out where the hell I went wrong
The pain reflected in this song
Ain't even half of what I'm feeling inside
I need you, need you back in my life baby
********************************
spent a day w chris dear! watching iceage2, having swensons, submitting documents to smu. im gonna so miss him when he goes for NS. seriously, im gonna miss him like shiat. ='( i honestly can tell him anything, everything. there arent that many guy pals i'd miss so much when they're not arnd. but this darling is definitely worth it. im gonna make it a point to send him off on 7th april n to attend his POP if he wants to. hahaha. im gonna bombard his fone w smses of 'i miss you's n 'i love you's as though he has a gf. =) well he has a gf. an EX gf who's missing him like nuts when he's in tekong. he'll have aplenty to catch up w us after he goes bald. *hugggs* thanks for the company today!! iceage2 was retardedly hilarious. i love that animal but i dunno what he's called. the cutesy one that loves the acorn. whatever. ooooh he's Scrat the saber-toothed squirrel!!! =D he's so freakin cute!
nv knew cleaning up the room could get me that emotional. tears flow like nobody's business.
*[a lil princess thought at]*|00:13|
