Thursday, November 30, 2006
is sg that small? i was on the cab back from zk's place, n next to me i saw a familiar car, with that familiar scratch down the right hand tyre rim. yes, it was him. haha. i dun understand what or why all this is happening. its like this haunting feeling. freakin haunting feeling. sighs.
*[a lil princess thought at]*|00:46|
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
i love running. ran round the estate, down khatib n back, down to library n back. =) not many ppl like running i guess? so far i only know of a few. yishun down to thomson down to toa payoh. shiok! haa.. now i feel like im a sloth. who cares?? im happie~
CSE paper down. thank god it was alright. im keeping fingers crossed. but at least, ONE DOWN! im excited to meet my darlings tmr for buffet dinner. n today, i was so high cos i got to meet my sim gfs. i think staying at home really makes me kinda claustrophobic. so much so that i go into ecstacy meeting my darlings. haha. miss them..
i've still got a week n a half of studying to go. sobs. shoutout to all those still slogging thru papers: "jiayouuuu!" *hugggs!*
*[a lil princess thought at]*|19:53|
Monday, November 27, 2006
u've gotta watch happy feet!! the penguins are so cute! small fluffy round n simply ADORABLE~ gosh.. i want a baby penguin for xmas!! totally smitten.. smitten real bad..
now the trademark line for zk: "i know size may be daunting... but i love you."
darius n i agreed that the line fits him perfectly. haha.. he shd just use that to swoon girls. i love those 5 kah kias of mumble. ultimate cutesy to its max. i repeat, i want a baby penguin for xmas!!!
dear santa, i just want to be saved from tears this yr.
*[a lil princess thought at]*|02:19|
Sunday, November 26, 2006
sorry if yday's post was ambiguous. i realised tt it caused quite abit of confusion. thanks for all the concern, but it isnt bout zk. it was just a comment in general yea? n the portion on top was actually for sy, n those are simply lyrics.
nic, hazie n han. thanks for making my day. =) lex is the main character actually. he amazed me with his competence in the water. now he's happily sleeping on my lap n i've gotta carry this heavy ass back into the balcony. nic, i still dont really know what u mean, but im sure i'll be there for u shd things go wrong. huggs.
*[a lil princess thought at]*|01:14|
Saturday, November 25, 2006
i wanna let you know, that i'll always love you baby..
sometimes i think about everything that we've been through
and i pray that you would just open your eyes
i love you
i need you
so please don't throw our love away
i've given everything
i've loved you endlessly
but when it comes to me
you don't even notice me
yesh.. i cant stand the pain of seeing you cry... let's have a common understanding, that this is the end. after all this, there's no love to speak of. save your sweet words for others. i've had enough of excuses and explanations, im really sick and tired of forgiving. its not just you that's tiring me out. many other issues. but really, u'd be doing me a great favour by just getting out of my life.
just a thot: when u dun have a credible explanation, do not attempt to explain or clear the air. at the end of the day, it only works against you.
btw i've had enough of sad xmas-es, so i want this year to be a good one. =) will have a hard time arranging to meet all my gfs, but i want to meet each and every one of them. time to empty pockets n blast my weekends on pressies. nothing beats that smile on their faces! all of us are busy w exams n all, n im still hoping for a short getaway. of cos, im hoping for good grades this sem. n i mean, good enough to maintain a GPA good enough for me to further studies.
if u really do love someone from deep down, there's no need to tell yourself "yes i do love him". there shdnt be a need for convincing. i thot love comes naturally? haha. not the case for me huh?
aiks. i was talking to han, n we were discussing how a couple shd be able to live with or without each other. if i know i can live without him, it'd be the end. someone once told me, im a person who's either very independent on my own, or i simply suit and cater to another. if there is no longer a need for a guy in my life, i'd want to be alone. saves alotta trouble, really. i nv understood why singleton life isnt fulfilling.
*[a lil princess thought at]*|02:21|
Friday, November 24, 2006
just how much would one do for the one they love?
there's no rule of measure, but i think there is that gauge in each and every one.
if i have the ability to bring a smile to light up someone's day, i would.
but i learnt, that if loving him means losing myself, i wouldnt.
disappointed in some ways, contented in others.
but im still glad u came, we were once an entity, all is history.
*[a lil princess thought at]*|19:51|
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
one of the best therapies to a bad day is cooking. but i realised it isnt safe. i was cutting carrots for lex's dinner, n i wondered why the carrot looked red instead of orange. took me some time to react, "MORON, its blood duhhh~" cut myself. n then i continued cutting potatoes (also for lex's dinner). he's got a healthy diet yea? n when i was cooking it i scalded myself. moral of the story: dun attempt cooking when u cant concentrate.
lex is extremely smart. he conquered the fence we bought in half a day. now, after 3 mths of having the balcony to himself, he has conquered the balcony door. he opens the door n roams as he likes. gosh.. my darling's so so smart. im proud of him!
*[a lil princess thought at]*|16:13|
i cant sleep.
no matter how hard i try, i cant.
but i know he can.
*[a lil princess thought at]*|05:26|
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
self discovery is a wonderful process. n this process has been aided by frens all arnd me. im still young, still keen to play, keen to learn. but i gotta admit that learning the hard way is quite tough.
thanks nic. u still work wonders sometimes. haha..
"declared war" or wadever u call that on a fellow coursemate. not that i meant harm in any way, but she took it so harshly. haha. to me it doesnt matter at all, so yea, i'll drop it. just dun harm my frens. u'll get it doubly from me.
*[a lil princess thought at]*|19:43|
its dear's first day of work!! n of cos i dun get to msg him much, dun get to hear his voice, see his face.. but im happy for him tt he's kinda liking his new working environment. working w john, alvin, bala (i dunno if he's still there). but in any case they're nice ppl i've worked with b4. so yupps, i think dear's working w pretty nice colleagues as of now! he had sch after work, wch makes it quite taxing cos he's gotta rush between work n sch. im kinda worried for his health n all.. but no choice yea? i'll help w his work if i can render any help, n i'll learn how to cook ginseng chrysanthemum from mommy.. cos its a revitalizer he likes! hmm, didnt contact him much, n at the end of the day, i did think that it was quite sad, but work is work, he's gotta set his priorities right, n of cos it aint his fault. but he called n the first thing he said was dat he felt bad for not contacting me much today. he knew, n he showed dat he cared... that was more than enough to make me so so so happy..
eve, cher, ann.. if u guys ever read this, i wanna say that im so fortunate to know u guys in UB. we may not have known each other for long, but i see the sincerity and kindness in each and every one of u.. n honestly, it isnt that easy to find frens like that in uni. wch is why i feel so blessed. u guys are the sweetest darlings.. cos u'll do the little things to make each others' day better! i dun really care much of what others say, cos its the friendship that counts yea? hugggs. really love u guys! =) you all make my grey skies blue...
went vivo w han n vone after sch. they booked their cruise dinner tix, n then han n i studied, n shopped arnd vivo. hee.. this time round we dun seem so lost. but still, vivo's damn huge la!! but we managed to find some "treasures" that we didnt know of before.
1. check out www.boostjuicebars.com.sg for healthy, ultimately yummy yogurt drinks! smoothies, freshly squeezed juices (i mean really FRESH! u shd really check out the fruits they put into ur drink. they look good. not those lousy rotten ones.) they've got a great selection. han n me were freezing but enjoying our drinks.
2. a bookstore called OnePage is located in some obscure corner of vivo. but if u find it, please enter. cos its simply HEAVEN. the stuffs they have in there are gorgeous. n its almost as big as kino, offering stuffs at a lower price. guess its the flagship store since i havent heard much bout any other outlet.
3. toys'r'us is HUGE there. but dun trust the $2 dong dong machine. u know the one u put money in n turn out some cutesy stuff? it cheated $5 of ours, which was refunded, but u get pek cek after the diff machines keep eating your money.
4. marche's gonna open at vivo! im excited!!
okay, enough about vivo n shopping.
mommy's right. i've got a penchant for fighting for what i want. maybe its just that i want to win. i want to know that im capable of it. but eventually, it doesnt mean anything to me. its like, i want him to turn back, just for the sake of telling myself, "oh he still loves me". but wtf for? when its so clear to me who i want, what i want. she said i shd learn to step back n see that certain things cannot be helped. i do not deserve to self torture as though im punishing myself. and then she said... that i have never really treasured this guy in front of me right now... cos i've kinda shut myself up again, cos im afraid to get hurt. i dun question abt zk, i dun ask, i dun want to care for him too much, or to show that i really love him and need him, cos im afraid that he'd take it for granted n leave.. just like other guys have. mommy says im no longer the girl she saw that loved unconditionally, that loved like there's no tomorrow. yes mummy, its cos i've learned.. learned that it doesnt pay.. but like u said, zk's different.. n u see a different side of ur daughter since she stepped into this r/s. dun worry, the past will be dropped, from now on.. n mommy, i promise to try harder... to learn to treasure.
*[a lil princess thought at]*|00:05|
Monday, November 20, 2006
i know i hurt him.. im sorry baby...
*[a lil princess thought at]*|12:41|
Sunday, November 19, 2006
mad, be strong.
*[a lil princess thought at]*|23:49|
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to,doesn't mean they do n't love you with all they have.
Once you have loved, you will always love. For what's in your mind may escape but what's in your heart will remain forever.
The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside her knowing you can't have her, see her or be with her ever again...hope you understand. Find time to realize that there is one person who means so much to you, for you might wake up one morning losing that person who you thought meant nothing to you.
your love was a gift to me; godsent delight. but its a present im returning to u, cos we both deserve better.
*[a lil princess thought at]*|01:29|
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
dear has got a full time job offer. wch he is most prob gonna take up. =) im really happy n excited for him, but of cos there are concerns n worries. like, he's gonna be working w john. john aka ex-aldente-manager aka my p/t bf. my bf's working w my p/t bf. haha. but on my way home, it suddenly sank in, that he'd be having 5.5 day work, 4 or 5 day sch.. i'd have my exams, n even if i dun, we might not find time for each other. i was smsing marcus the whole day, n i told him bout it. dear prob wont have time for himself, not to mention time for me. well, its within de job requirements yarh? "darling.. if im excited for him bout his new job, i can expect him to be even more hyped up.. n i dun wanna dampen his spirits. de last thing i'd want is for him to reconsider the offer cos of what im feeling, wch im sure he wouldnt, cos he's sensible enough to choose work as priority. all the more i shd be sensible enough to support and encourage him." those were my exact words for my marcus darling. i may be a lil disappointed that i'd be missing him more, but i'll definitely be glad for him to build a career of his own. suddenly i realised, the 3yr age gap isnt as small as i thot it was..
dear, jiayou.. i may not be able to meet u often, we may have our various commitments, but i'll be always be behind u.. no matter what your choice may be. huggs. love you. =)
*[a lil princess thought at]*|23:37|
Monday, November 13, 2006
went for jb weekend escapade w dear, cm n sher, sharon n nanjun, qinyun n fugene. 4 couples. it felt like a bus ride to orchard or smth, cos seriously, malaysia isnt that different from sg except that the stuffs there are cheap. haha. n it was quite fun gg w this bunch of ppl though i din really know sher sharon n nanjun. they're a pretty easy going bunch. rough trackback, we went for smth similar to kbox (called redbox.. well they're damn good at pirating), n they had buffet dinner w singing! speaking of buffet, dear's a glutton. we had lunch at somewhere similar to hot stones, n he ate a T-bone steak, half of my rib eye steak, n we shared a tomyam tunghoon. sounds like alot? he still wanted to order more. gosh.. my darling's gonna grow grow grow~ (not in the dirn i'd have wished for...) so after singing we went back to hotel room to nua abit, n then we played pairs n drank in our room. n for a long long time i refused to touch vodka neat. n yday i drank it, for dear. cos i know he really cant drink lah. not that i can tahan neat, cos i proved otherwise.. haha.. sher n i puked thrice. yes vodka neat's that disgusting. yucks man. i wouldnt have drank it for anyone else, whatever the reason. wth. i was so sei i couldnt take pics properly. all the shots turned out blur. hee.. n i kept telling dear "ehh! i feel so sober now u know!!" sounding hyper n chirpy when i couldnt really walk straight. hahaha..
today was simply lunch n some shopping. qy got her boots n bag! n she's real cute.. we were sitting at starbucks yday n she suddenly asked zk, "did her boobs grow or wassit originally that big?" n she had that bewildered look stuck to her face. i wonder why the hell she'd ask that out of the blue, but i take it as a compliment yarh? *marcus sweetie.. im CONTENTED k. haa..* i got a sweater!
i've finally got my digicam. =) camwhoring begins. i miss the old cam shared w da though. its gone with some very beautiful memories n pictures. have u heard zui jin? the lyrics speak of my past yet again, and it brings tears to my eyes every single time. sweet. jb brings back lots of memories too. places frequented blahblahblah. crazy things we did. aiks.
will love diminish over time?
*[a lil princess thought at]*|00:59|
Thursday, November 09, 2006
i cant believe im so blur i forgot to bring ALL my papers today. i mean all my paperwork including essays n assignments. how dumb can i get? n im tired. sucky start of the day..
i wonder why we're touching on this topic in ESL class. the idea of baby drops. the case of a 23yr old undergrad dumping her baby down the rubbish chute. god.. what gave her the courage to do smth so cruel?
*[a lil princess thought at]*|11:01|
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
an ad on tv on josh groban's new album led me to a rediscovery of his previous album, along w some jazzy tunes stored in a corner of my song list. some songs ring a bell, others cause my eyes to turn watery. dun think many have heard of this song Alejate.
Alejate - Josh Groban
I never felt so much love in my soul
And no one loved me more than you did
Because of you I laughed and cried
I was reborn also
All I had, I gave to keep you here
I know that saying goodbye is best
Suffering, I will pay for my mistake
And nothing will be the same
I have to accept it
And find the strength in me for this goodbye
Just walk away
I cannot bear it anymore
There’s no way to go back in time
Forget it and let me go on alone with my solitude
Go away, tell me goodbye
I will resign myself to go on without your warmth
And I will never understand what happened
If there’s nothing I can do
Just walk away
I’m not going to repent for yesterday
Loving you and I know, woman
For that love
For always being faithful
Today I have to be strong and learn
beautiful lyrics? struck a chord w my feelings back then. another song, Broken Vow. but im not gonna bombard my entry w lyrics. i need a break from emo moments. really gotta learn how to be cool n composed, unfazed by bothersome ppl, unimportant stuffs. i wanna achieve ZEN! the whole idea of being naturalistic, the whole idea of Dao, the whole idea of submitting self to the One up there. i may not be a believer of any faith or religion, but i do think that everything in my life happens for a reason, n its been planned by the one up there. so many crappy things have happened; if ppl describe their life journey as a car ride, my car's probably in a state it shd be scraped. the redeeming thing is that now i've got someone to share w. i wouldnt say that all's bright n cheery between us, but i'd say that we're putting in effort for it to work, so even if all falls thru, i know we've tried. its a love-hate r/s i have w this darling of mine. he's so dangerously attractive. im not too sure how i shd describe it, but i guess u'd only know if u were in my shoes.
*[a lil princess thought at]*|23:23|
Monday, November 06, 2006
thanks to all that smsed or asked bout me regarding the previous entry. i didnt know it sounded that bad, but im alright. dan, thx for the warning, i'll keep it in mind. yes im still upset when i think bout it, yes im still not convinced. but no worries. im not that bothered by it. whatever happens, for the better or the worse, i'll take it in my stride.
ripped this off a mag:
Trust and honesty are cornerstones of any good relationship. Yet, every so often, we find ourselves skirting the truth, even lying just to shield a loved one from the potential hurt it may cause him or her. We lie about unpleasant things we feel our partner can't do anything about, forgetting that in a relationship, what we do or don't do significantly affects the other person.
"People hide the truth about certain issues as an act of compassion towards their partners."
Know that you and your partner can handle difficult truths in an atmosphere of compassion and trust. A painful truth, while difficult to communicate, is even more difficult to hear. When you do come clean, do so with an attitude of contrition. If you wish to earn back your partner's trust and keep the relationship going, show you mean it and that you are truly willing to change.
--------------------------------
simple lines filled with meaning. =) i still gotta learn... to let go.
had a great night at essential brew's, more like a gathering than kor's bday party in fact. becca, hua, ying, mich. darlings i've known since sec 1. kor, my confidante, advisor, bro for years. really, he never fails to inspire, never fails to uplift. like a big bro, he's always taken care of me. i rmr how we met thru mich. how we clicked so well in sucha short period of time. a lil sec 1 girl hanging out w this sec 3 guy. and then in sec 2, this bro who had his O levels coming, gave pathetic me a chemistry crash course. haha. n our crash courses were in holland v, the same area we were today. lost contact when he went on to hc, n we only met up occasionally, for a coffee or supper or smth. ever talked to him bout my r/s. how i screwed up the previous one, n how i feel so lost n uncertain in this. ever heard from him about his take on r/s now. u know, i am so proud of this kor of mine. n at his 21st bday party, i saw a eligible swinging bachelor, one i guess many girls wouldnt mind being with. kor, all the best. studies, budding career, lovelife, family.. everything. take care yea? we'll meet up soon enough. last but not least, love ya. =)
cam whored like nobody's business. had crazy becca singing w that idiotic mickey voice. gosh. everyone shd really try swallowing helium n speaking. its darn hilarious. okay its late, n i really shd sleep.
*[a lil princess thought at]*|02:13|
Sunday, November 05, 2006
blogging from my mirror's place! cos they are playing mj n i was doing my essay, just completed it. like, FINALLY. with no proper outline, no proper structure, i really think the essay sucks big time. mrs singh, just pass me yea?
after some unhappy stuffs, after some soul searching.. i guess i've found what i really want. i always tell ppl they'll get smth if they want it bad enough. no matter what happens, im willing to give all i can to make things work between us. cos i know the smth we share, is smth i wanna hold on to.. if possible, forever.
darling mirror, thx for all the smses, all the encouragement. thrown in situations like that, its a matter of choice, whether we wanna believe or trust. it really isnt easy i must say.. esp when you n i know what we've been seeing, what we've found out. but i really applaud ur courage for asking him straight, smth i havent found the courage to do. it always feels comforting talking to u, cos u know exactly how i feel, without me having to spell things out when my brain isnt even thinking straight. i've figured, that after it all, its an issue of love n trust. n if we love them, we just gotta trust them. love comes in all shapes n forms.. we probably just arent accustomed to the way its given. ignorance IS bliss. i really really wish i didnt know so many things. sighs. at the end of the day, i know all these dun matter, cos we still love them all the same. huggs. jiayou darling! heh.
*[a lil princess thought at]*|02:07|
Saturday, November 04, 2006
call it the fragility of life. the cruel side of reality. to crush and destroy the life of one who could 'have been'. i wonder others' take on the issue, but for me, i really cannot take truths like that. it hit me hard. n i rmr the research i once did on this, and how the whole process took place. gosh.. tears well up whenever i think of that. ppl say they do not have a choice, they're posed with that as the only option.. but really, that is the consequence you face for not taking precaution. but for that innocent life, what is this? aiks. this is gonna stay at the back of my mind for quite some time. is that life just worth.... a few hundred bucks?
*[a lil princess thought at]*|13:35|
Friday, November 03, 2006
thanks to eve, i had company to drink n think bout my f-ed up life. accompanied her thru the night as well.
feel like im falling into it all over again, n everything's on repeat.
*[a lil princess thought at]*|04:47|
